Category Archives: Adoption Schmoption

Facebook,Family,Bastard.

Who else on Earth but a rejected adoptee can find their sister, their brother and their niece on Facebook and feel utterly powerless, completely unworthy,  to push the friend button?

Like a knife through the heart it really drives home that title; bastard.

Kind of like watching Brothers and Sisters the other night (I know, I know, I know) when Nora says she went to visit Ryan and invited him to come and Kitty says; “THE BASTARD?!” and my head actually turned from the blunt force of the slap across my face.

Then Tommy later implies that “this guy surely must want something we have since we’re so rich and all”. Hide the silver the bastard is coming to town! That’s not fiction people. I have heard it many times before.

When a fellow adoptee uses the term bastard it usually makes me laugh  but let someone else use it and mean it and it makes me want to rip their face off. Even if it is a fictional character on TV (who happens to be in the process of ADOPTING). Because even though it’s fiction someone needed to actually WRITE that script and unless that writer is an adoptee they have no right at all to use that term. None.

I’m rambling and I know it. Just pouring out what I’m feeling, proper english and correct sentence structure be damned. It is what it is. Raw ramblings of a real life bastard who has to view HER brothers and sisters from the outside. Look but don’t touch. That’s me….100% grade A bastard through and through.

So you think you understand the term bastard enough to use it in a sentence? You don’t have a clue. Unless you live it you have no idea how much it hurts to be on the outside looking in. You can’t even come CLOSE to understanding the true meaning of the word, which means you have no right to use it.

And while I’m at it let me also tell you how utterly ignorant it is of  you to think we have our eye on your damn silver!

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Adoption Education

I had almost drifted off to sleep when someone in the front seat of the car said; “OH, did you hear So and So are going to ADOPT”. This was followed by abundant cheers from the other passengers along with the usual “it’s about time” and “oh, good for them they have wanted a baby for such a long time” etcetera etcetera. Of course the conversation continued and joyous details were shared. They are adopting from Russia, using an agency, going through home study, how the great expense is so worthwhile, followed by a lengthy discussion on the unreasonable adoption requirements of foreign countries.

I forced my eyes to remain closed and my mouth to remain shut.

Then someone asked the question I just knew was coming; why aren’t they adopting from here? This was followed by the usual uneducated rhetoric we have all come to know far too well. I trust I don’t even need to fill you in on what was said.

Still, I kept my mouth shut.

Then someone started talking about how they had seen on Oprah that women in Africa were having babies for people here in the states. That it was a win/win situation for all involved as these young women received more money than they had ever known to support their families and some childless couple from here got the baby they had always wanted.

“God works in wonderful ways.”

Oh for the love of PETE! That did it. TOTALLY against my will my eyes opened and the uncontrollable response spewed from my lips; HUMAN TRAFFICKING IS. NOT. OF. GOD.!!!

A great and heavy silence ensued. This was followed by a very meek request from the front seat that I explain myself. With a deep, regretful sigh I embarked on the journey knowing full well that once you begin down this road you can’t stop until you arrive safely on the shores of reason. Which can take a good long while. Dispelling life long social myth is such a monumental undertaking it just drains you of any and all energy you may have. The worst part is knowing full well that sometimes you are successful and sometimes you are not, that long held beliefs are hard to dispel in one conversation and that you always walk away never quite sure if you have been at all successful.

There are times when I just wish the uncontrollable necessity I feel to educate people on the subject of adoption would just take a flying leap. Sometimes I just wish my eyes and my mouth could just stay shut.

The next day though I got to spend the entire day with my favorite ULB which of course totally made up for all adopt o’ talk with the uneducated. I loves me some ULB.

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Filed under Adoption Schmoption, Truthful Musings

Celeb Adoptomania and Moronic Adoption Language

I wonder if people truly realize how insulting the following language is to someone who is adopted. Based on comments I have received my whole life I know most people will read it and just get lost in the vision of the end result (I’ll take the Happy Family platter please). Sadly I think very few would understand how this whole thing comes across to an adoptee;

“The couple has come to a conclusion after several attempts of having a baby together. The 30 year-old {Ashton} Kutcher and Demi Moore, 40 have been together for six years and married for three and no baby was on his way even with in vitro fertilization.”

This is my personal fav;

An insider disclosed that “They had always resisted adoption because they wanted a baby of their own, but now everything has changed.”

And now for some completely worn out adoption ideology;

Kutcher has openly revealed that he and Demi have been considering to adopt an orphaned child together. “I have thought about adopting a kid my whole life,” he admitted, adding “When I was eight I had a friend called Terry and one day he told me he was adopted. “

He, furthermore, stated “He said his parents told him there was a more special bond between them because they picked him. I thought that was pretty profound and I would be open to the idea.”

Here is what I read;

Due to many failed attempts at harvesting from their very own orchard and with deep regret they resign themselves to do the next best thing- harvest elsewhere. Feebly disguised as a ride on the “Save An Orphan Train”, their ultimate goal is to procure a replacement baby. They plan to PICK one this summer.

And people wonder why we feel second best.

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Filed under Adoption Schmoption, Media, Truthful Musings

“Hater” is kind of strong don’t you think?

I was going to let it go too. But everyone knows no self respecting hippie-type can be called a hater and let it go. I am all about the love man!

Apparently all of the attention you received from all of us ingrates has caused you much wailing and gnashing of teeth. It’s not easy seeing being green. Before your personal blog was protected from the wolves I could see that you definitely have people in your corner. There was a lot of this; “oh dear don’t let the haters get you down” and “they’re just bitter, angry adoptlings who come from gawd awful situations” and “you are a good parent (pats on the head) so don’t let anyone tell you different because you are doing God’s work” bull. As though this has anything at all to do with what kind of parenting skills you have.

You see it really doesn’t concern me how often you volunteer at your kids school or how many brownies you can bake in a day and I don’t hate you, I don’t even know you. I do have a huge problem with the business you are in though and THAT I will not mince words about. Like I said in my comment section nothing pisses me off more than people selling babies in the name of God.

I see the two “non-profits” you work for (run by Malcolm and Amy Young) also have a blog to further advertise their marketable product. I see that there you can also get up to the minute “situations” so I guess it’s good to check back regularly?

Here are just a few of the situations available next month;

African-American Boy, 2/17/09,SC, $21K

African-American Boy / Girl Twins, $33K, 2/1/09

Yes, I did notice that you get a discount if you buy two.

Be sure to ask about the minority discount!

I do have a question though. Is publicly advertising an infant for tens of thousands of UNNECESSARILY CHARGED dollars and basing that price tag on race considered human trafficking? I guess not as long as you throw in the word Christian.

Obviously my friend what I have failed to recognize is that if you preface your business with the word Christian and throw in some key bible verses for good measure all of this blatantly obvious marketing of human beings miraculously becomes- God’s work.

So sorry to have hurt your feelings my dear. Please go about your BUSINESS! And now that  you know I don’t hate you please do try to get some sleep.

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Filed under Adoption Politics, Adoption Schmoption, Adoptive Family, Truthful Musings

Situations?

*Thanks to Linda Gambino for drawing this to our attention.

Whenever I read anything like this I am certain it must be a scam because nobody in their right mind could EVER find these “situations” even remotely ethical enough to actually USE an agency like this. Because if they DID use an agency like this they would not be able to sleep at night. They would all die of sleep deprivation. So surely it MUST be a scam. Right? RIGHT?

A Path of the Heart

She actually states in her blog “One of the main reasons we turned to CAC to help us adopt was because we wanted to be sure we were using ethical agencies.”

With that ironic/moronic statement under your belt take a look at this:

Christian Adoption Consultants

They also run this agency-

Hope For Adoption

Dude, sleep much?

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Filed under Adoption Politics, Adoption Schmoption

Leave My Family Tree Alone

You can find value in Theresa’s posts on ANY given day, she gives a real world, no nonsense POV that smacks you but good. I will admit that that stories she Diggs are usually highly triggering but I read them because it really does no good at all to bury ones head in the sand.

A while back Theresa did a Digg (or is that dugg) on something printed in the Humboldt Beacon entitled Grafting on to the Family Tree. It was written by Paul Rodrigues in response to a straight forward plea for open records written by Mara Rigge entitled Adoptees Discriminated Against. I can’t seem to get Rodgrigues’ response out of my mind. As a matter of fact the more I thought about it the more angry I became.

Rodrigues comments; “Both of them had questions about their roots as it pertained to their adoptive family, and I explained to them that they were grafted onto the family tree, and like a branch that is grafted onto a living tree, it is just as much a part of the tree as one that had grown naturally.

On the surface it’s easy to see why Rodrigues’ response would be triggering but I had to dig (no pun) deeper than the surface to figure out why it bothered me SO much. Then it came to me. This superimposed work of fiction by Mr. Rodrigues epitomizes EVERYTHING that ends up imparting irreparable damage on adoptees . To suggest that an adoptee is simply grafted onto the adoptive family tree is both completely dismissive and entirely disrespectful not only to his children but to each and every adoptee out there.

I wish it worked this way Mr. Rodrigues, I really do. But the fact of the matter is you simply cannot create fact out of fiction. The only way you can effectively assist in working through the unique issues your children WILL face by being adopted is by acknowledging truth and fully supporting them in that very personal journey of self discovery. You do them NO favors by forcing them into a designer pair of rose colored glasses in place of real, honest, roll up your sleeves and get a little dirty….work.

I know as parents we want to protect our children from ever feeling sadness or pain. Unfortunately adoption NATURALLY comes with some measure of both. It’s OK, really. Far better to acknowledge it than force your children to pretend everything about being adopted is perfect. Speaking from experience I can tell you that pretending things are as they are not puts FAR more pressure on your kids than allowing them to acknowledge reality and work through the resulting emotions.

I know PLENTY of adoptive parents who work tirelessly to understand the many nuances of raising an adopted child (just take a look at but a few over to the right listed in my AP links). They try, they fail and then they TRY AGAIN. Just as so many of us adoptees do as we work our way through the labyrinth of the unknown that IS our historical identity. And what our place is in it. You ask too much of us when you suggest we live in a land of make-believe where ones true biological history can be grafted elsewhere. Closet dwelling biological families would do well to grasp this too.

I remember my visit to Ellis Island which I blogged about way back in o6′. This is a place where the blood of our ancestors seeps from the walls constructed in their honor. I ask you Mr. Rodrigues; what honor is there in a lie? The truth may not be a pretty or comfortable place to visit but that is exactly where you will find your children’s dignity.

So as for this whole grafting idea? You are definitely barking up the wrong tree.

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Filed under Adoptee Family, Adoption Schmoption, Adoptive Family, Natural Family

Did She Just SAY THAT?!

Fast forward to about 1:45.

Between this and the video Claudia posted today of her interview with Montel “How Do I Get A Baby” Williams…. I have lost my faith in humanity.

Hopefully it’s a temporary condition.

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