Adoption Education

I had almost drifted off to sleep when someone in the front seat of the car said; “OH, did you hear So and So are going to ADOPT”. This was followed by abundant cheers from the other passengers along with the usual “it’s about time” and “oh, good for them they have wanted a baby for such a long time” etcetera etcetera. Of course the conversation continued and joyous details were shared. They are adopting from Russia, using an agency, going through home study, how the great expense is so worthwhile, followed by a lengthy discussion on the unreasonable adoption requirements of foreign countries.

I forced my eyes to remain closed and my mouth to remain shut.

Then someone asked the question I just knew was coming; why aren’t they adopting from here? This was followed by the usual uneducated rhetoric we have all come to know far too well. I trust I don’t even need to fill you in on what was said.

Still, I kept my mouth shut.

Then someone started talking about how they had seen on Oprah that women in Africa were having babies for people here in the states. That it was a win/win situation for all involved as these young women received more money than they had ever known to support their families and some childless couple from here got the baby they had always wanted.

“God works in wonderful ways.”

Oh for the love of PETE! That did it. TOTALLY against my will my eyes opened and the uncontrollable response spewed from my lips; HUMAN TRAFFICKING IS. NOT. OF. GOD.!!!

A great and heavy silence ensued. This was followed by a very meek request from the front seat that I explain myself. With a deep, regretful sigh I embarked on the journey knowing full well that once you begin down this road you can’t stop until you arrive safely on the shores of reason. Which can take a good long while. Dispelling life long social myth is such a monumental undertaking it just drains you of any and all energy you may have. The worst part is knowing full well that sometimes you are successful and sometimes you are not, that long held beliefs are hard to dispel in one conversation and that you always walk away never quite sure if you have been at all successful.

There are times when I just wish the uncontrollable necessity I feel to educate people on the subject of adoption would just take a flying leap. Sometimes I just wish my eyes and my mouth could just stay shut.

The next day though I got to spend the entire day with my favorite ULB which of course totally made up for all adopt o’ talk with the uneducated. I loves me some ULB.



Filed under Adoption Schmoption, Truthful Musings

15 responses to “Adoption Education

  1. Mia,
    I wrote a longer response, but all I can really say is . . I’m sorry.

  2. Coco

    I hadn’t heard about African women doing this, but I did read about poor women in India acting as surrogates for cash.

    Of course, it’s fine, because they are “choosing” this and they get some money and free prenatal care. You know, because they have so many other choices. Like starvation.

    Every time I read God-based justifications, or any justification, actually, for things like this I want to start screaming. Thank you for speaking out, Mia.

  3. Just whoa. I hope you actually were able to educate them, difficult as that part must have been for you too. I don’t have a great opinion of Oprah anyway, but I seriously hope your carmates misinterpreted what was said on that show.

  4. And I loves me some MSG

  5. Me too Abebech, me too.

    Coco and Thorn I had not heard this story either but I have no trouble believing it. Based on things I have seen and read I believe Oprah and I have similar spiritual views so it always surprises me how many social myths she buys into. As Theresa expressed this weekend I also often feel like she sells out to the upper class white woman mentality. Obviously I am generalizing there.

    Theresa believe it or not I never really noticed my initials were MSG. I hear that stuff can really give you a headache. LOL

  6. jr

    oh, Mia. So sorry. I hate it when that happens.

  7. How did you explain about human trafficking?

    Did they sound like they were even able to remotely follow your train of thought once the discussion got going?

  8. I wonder how much of this is what your car-mates really thought and how much of it was adoption rah-rah spew that Americans seem conditioned to spout. Sorry to be so negative, I just seem to hear the same exact stuff, word for word, again and again, such that I’m starting to wonder if it’s a conditioned response…

  9. bisforbastard

    All we can do is keep talking, writing, communicating until they get it. It took a lot of energy to miseducate generations and it will take a lot to get it right. Every effort counts.

  10. I tend to use the K.I.S.S. analogy and also work hard at keeping emotion to a dull roar. I begin with the definition of human trafficking and how desire doesn’t negate that definition. Like I said sometimes I’m successful and sometimes I’m not.

    There are two types of people; those who are open to concepts outside their comfort zone and those that just don’t have it in them to function outside their neat little box. Success pretty much depends on which type of person you are communicating with.

    What I struggle with is learning how to define which type of person I am speaking with BEFORE I get too deeply into it. And learning to stop myself from trying to force anyone outside their box because it rarely, if ever, works. It just ends up frustrating the hell out of me.

  11. jmomma

    I think every little thing you do contributes to the understanding 0f others. Even if they didn’t get it at the time, you planted a seed, raised a question, nurtured the opportunity to see more than they were looking at before.

    Also appreciating your KISS suggestion and starting by defining the terms.

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  13. I’m in Africa and haven’t ehard of any such thing. Then again, this is a huge continent!

  14. Michelle

    I just stumbled upon your page and I would first like to say, I am sorry for your pain. I do want to ask a question, and my intent is not to put anyone down for their opinion, but I have been reading alot about this for the past couple of days and I am so shocked at what I am adoptees are so hurt, I am an adoptive mother of a child from another culture, and I don’t ever want her to feel this way. My question is, if a child is in an orphanage, with no family, lets say they were abandoned, in a box, on the side of the road, no records of when they were born, who they are, nothing.. Are you saying that they should just remain in an orphange for the rest of their lives with no family and no way to find their birth parents? Or would it make more sense for someone with a wealth of love to offer, give them a family, a name, a future? I am so confused by all of this. It seems like it’s being portrayed that adoptive parents are trying to just steal peoples babies, I’m having a hard time grasping that. There are children dying..there are people out there that would love to be a mother to a child, why not a child that needs a mommy? It just doesn’t seem so complicated to me. I don’t see race, I see a child. I do however completely agree that you should include that childs culture into your life, I want my daughter to be proud of who she is and where she came from, I am proud of who she is and where she came from, I don’t plan on trying to make her white! and I surely am not a white, rich woman, I just loved a child, and she loved me..and now we are a family and we are making beautiful memories together. It doesn’t have to be so black and white. does it? And I will do everything humanly possible to help my child find her birth parents when and if she ever wants to. Because I love “her” and I want her to be happy and fullfilled. If she has a question, I want to answer it, in fact, I have been trying to find her birthmother now, to try to keep some sort of contact with her, so if my daughter decides she wants to meet her, it won’t be so hard of a search. I guess I’m rambling, I just want to make the point that most adoptive parents intentions are pure and are often mistaken for selfish. This is heartbreaking.

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