Holidays can be tricky for me. I either love em’ or hate em’ (unless of course it’s one of those neutral holidays like Groundhog Day, no real problem there). Even St. Patty’s day can be triggering for me because I always wonder if I actually HAVE a historical right to “proudly wear the green”. Another case in point for open records; think of all the millions of new fans good ole’ St. Pat could gain if records were opened! Maybe we should start praying to him for help. As a recovering Cathoholic it’s been a while since I’ve prayed to a saint but I would do it for the cause.
Christmas usually ranks first on my list of love em’ holidays (it always looks like Santa threw up in my living room) but this year the entire holiday season sucked eggs. I left most of my dozens of boxes of decorations packed away. It was a K.I.S.S. kind of Christmas with not even a hint of mistletoe to be found. I did just enough to keep the magic alive for my kids and even that was a strain.
I have never been a huge fan of New Year’s Eve (definitely in the “hate em'” category) but unlike years past, last night heralded in some measure of comfort for me. It represented a sort of tangible end to THE most difficult year ever. Beginning with the fallout with my natural mother, ending with the death of my adoptive mother and every traumatic representation of loss in between I was GLAD to see it go.
With everyone home for the holidays I was able to get my computer moved downstairs and out of my Dad’s room which will help me get back to writing consistently. There was just no way I could write with his TV blaring two feet away. Having my dad here is going a little better by the way. We are all settling in to what it means to have an elderly person living in our home and although his Alzheimer’s is progressing to the next stage he too seems to be settling in pretty well to life in an active household. Our friends all think he’s “a hoot”. At our Christmas party they particularly enjoyed his uncanny ability to perform the flatulent version of Jingle Bells. Although I must say this raw, gastric talent of his is best enjoyed in the isles of Wal-Mart (because of the fantastic acoustics) it’s still a great party trick. I keep asking them if they would like to have live in entertainment. No bites yet.
So you may just see more of me now. With 08′ behind me and my computer in a space that allows for the solitude needed to produce actual THOUGHT I now have a fighting chance. The first thing I am going to do is get caught up with my friends. I haven’t been able to read blogs consistently in months and I miss everyone. Then I’m going to see what I can do to lend a hand for the big day in Philly.
When I sat down to blog this morning I was actually going to begin by responding to that “you are an ungrateful and bitter anti-adoption nazi who must want children to flounder in filthy orphanages” comment but I really need to EASE myself back in so that will have to wait. A bit of eye rolling is all I can muster at this time. Hey, something to look forward to right?
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!
To new beginnings; Cheers!