Myth Busting

Myth~ Adoptees who have great parents should have no desire to search.

“Myth is not a story told for its own sake. It shows us how we should behave.”

Everyone understands the natural order of things regarding procreation; it takes both female and male participation. It is a simple and indisputable fact. Just because we think we have outsmarted natural creation due to our desire (or need depending on who you’re talking to) to do things unconventionally doesn’t mean we can pretend natural order doesn’t exist. If you are alive then there is a female and a male out there who are responsible. Period. So why support the myth that implies the level of nurturing we receive growing up has anything at all to do with whether or not we have a desire to know the nature of our existence? Isn’t the distinction clear enough? It’s apples and oranges. A person could have the worlds best upbringing and still desire to know something about those responsible for their creation. It’s not that complicated.

Myth~ If we use words like “donor” and “birthparent” it diminishes their importance.

Myth is about the unknown; it is about that for which initially we have no words. Myth therefore looks into the heart of a great silence.”

Usually the only time you hear an adoptee refer to their adoptive parent in any capacity other than “mother or “father” is when we have to make a verbal distinction between our biological mother or father and our nurturer(s). Society came up with words like donor and birthparent to fill the silence left by the uncomfortable void that was created when it separated nature and nurture. The titles are a myth. Titles may fill the void for society but calling them by a new name doesn’t mask reality for us. They are who they are. By denying us the ability to know our origins you force our identity to remain stuck in that dark void. The titles diminish nothing. Without nature there would be nothing to nurture. You may call them whatever you choose but those responsible for our existence are crucial to our identity. As they should be. Duh.

Myth~ Sealed adoption records have little or no effect on a well adjusted adoptee.

“A myth {therefore} is true because it is effective, not because it gives us factual information. If, however, it does not give us new insight into the deeper meaning of life, it has failed. If it works, that is, if it forces us to change our minds and hearts, gives us new hope, and compels us to live more fully, it is a valid myth.”

We absolutely can be effectively nurtured/mothered/fathered by a surrogate. I don’t think anyone would dispute that. But for whatever reason society has created the myth that once adopted our creators can be completely eradicated from our lives with little or no repercussion. Not replaced mind you, but actually eradicated from existence. Poof, gone, kaput. As if our actual creation is of little consequence! If you think this does not have an effect on ALL adoptees then I dare you to find one among us that has never once had issues surrounding their birthday. After all why would we want to celebrate a moment in time that we are repeatedly told by society is so damn inconsequential? Shameful? Secretive? Disgraceful? Vault of Shame bad? Sure, lets throw a party.

To deny us the natural ability to acknowledge our creators is to somehow ask us to believe we do not exist. And if you think not knowing WHO you are is damaging, you should try not knowing IF you are on for size. I’m sure this will be instant brain freeze for most non-adopted people, it’s a very challenging thing to try to put into words, but I honestly believe that’s why you hear so many adoptees say they finally feel grounded, tethered to the earth, real, once they are given even one single piece of information about their origins. It’s actual proof that they do in fact exist, that they came from somewhere, that they have a beginning and did not just materialize out of thin air. It matters. If you’re not adopted you’ll just have to trust me on that one.

Myth~ The adoptees I know have no desire to search, are just fine, are perfectly content, don’t care etc….”

“Like poetry and music, mythology should awaken us to rapture, even in the face of death and the despair we may feel at the prospect of annihilation. If a myth ceases to do that, it has died and outlived its usefulness.”

All of us come to the party wearing the same hat, telling the same stories, perpetuating the same myths, because that is what we have all been taught. When it comes to adoption, society continues to perpetuate myths that have completely outlived their usefulness. Not only have the myths become useless, they have become downright damaging.

This is why I question the truthfulness of adoptees who continue to perpetuate these myths. I can almost hear what’s coming so let me answer it now. Yes, who knows, maybe it’s MY version of what ails the adoptee clan that is a myth. Maybe it’s the “perfectly happy and content to know nothing” adoptees that have it all figured out. I don’t know. What I DO know is that out of all the adoptees I have come into contact with over the years (and there have been so damn many I lost count….hundreds though) ALLLLLLL of them, as in 100%, have taken OFF that hat when they got even remotely close to knowledge of their origins. They dropped the myths because they no longer applied. That’s all I’m saying. Myths are stories and stories tend to change as truth is revealed.

*Quotes taken from; A Short History of Myth by Karen Armstrong


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2 Comments

Filed under Adoptee Family, Adoption Schmoption, Adoptive Family, Natural Family, Open Records, Truthful Musings

2 responses to “Myth Busting

  1. bono

    brilliant, as always.
    😉

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