My mom is back in the hospital again. She is really not doing well at all. They are saying it’s either congestive heart failure or pneumonia. Either way for someone her age it is not a good prognosis.
Yesterday I talked to her and she sounded drunk, slurred speech and really out of it. J drove down there right away since he was close by for work and I met him after I got the kids taken care of. She is unable to move very well due to a bad hip so after a few attempts at getting her down the stairs to the car ourselves we ended up calling an ambulance to take her to the hospital.
At the hospital the nurse was asking her questions. “When was the last time you ate?” To which my mother replied “I can’t remember”. “Did you eat breakfast?” “No” “Why not?” “Because he (my father) didn’t make it for me”. My DAD says “We didn’t have any”. OK, now first of all we have a nurse that comes in everyday and whom I am in constant contact with. She makes sure they eat unless of course they refuse which is another matter all together. Second they have plenty of food in the house. I know my dad meant they simply didn’t have any breakfast, he did not mean they didn’t have any FOOD but that is NOT how the nurse took it. She looked at us and shook her head as if to say; what is wrong with you people?! Of course the nurse was just doing her job but my mom can’t hear well and that coupled with onset dementia and not feeling well……it was a nightmare. I tried to interject a few times to give her more solid facts but she of course wanted my mom to answer so she could get the “real story”. The questions got more intense and the answers more bizarre. J and I were just standing there shell shocked.
My mom has always been as sharp as a tack. Over the last month she has gotten increasingly more mentally unstable. She now ebbs and flows from lucid to out of touch. Even though she often used her sharp mental capacity for evil instead of good it is still heartbreaking to see her decline.
We were going to take my Dad home with us because he has Alzheimer’s and can’t really be alone. So we took him back to his home so we could get him pj’s, clothes etc…I asked him to grab his toothbrush to which he staunchly replied he did NOT need it. We explained to him that he will want his toothbrush since he is spending the night but for whatever reason he had a huge problem with this. He went OFF on us, screaming and yelling (we were outside) that he was NOT GOING TO BRING HIS G*DDAMN TOOTHBRUSH!!!!! Comical in a warped and twisted way but for us, two emotionally and physically exhausted individuals, trying to reason with my dad was excruciating. He won by the way. No toothbrush.
The time has come. We must move them out of THEIR home and into A home which absolutely sucks. It ABSOLUTELY SUCKS!!!!!!!!! I hate it and it hurts my heart and I feel insanely selfish because I still just keep thinking that I shouldn’t have to be dealing with any of this at 40. I want my mom. I want to go to lunch and shopping with my mom. I want to talk with her on the phone about stupid, mindless drivel just because we can. I want her to give me her opinion as we look for a new home to buy. I want that infuriating maternal unsolicited advice about how to raise my kids. I want- MOM. It’s actually pretty silly considering we have never really had that kind of relationship but we certainly had something closer than what we have now. I feel like an ass. I must SOUND like a selfish ass but it’s honest. This sucks.
My daughter graduates from elementary school today. (YEA S!!!!!) After graduation we will be meeting my brother at the hospital. It’s time for a round table discussion about our parents care. He and I haven’t always seen eye to eye which is another major ordeal. I felt they should have been moved a long time ago. He wanted to keep them in their house which I completely understand but now it’s time for action. I cannot take no for an answer. Something must be done and it cannot wait any longer. They are no longer able to live alone, period. I can’t imagine how difficult this will be for my parents. The whole thing just breaks my heart.
Bizarre, all day yesterday I found myself calling my mom; Mommy. I haven’t called her “mommy” since I was a little girl. I’m clinging. I know this. I am fighting the exhale of my mothers life. Even though I know I will not win.