My mom is back  in the hospital again.  She is really not doing well at all. They are saying it’s  either  congestive heart failure or pneumonia. Either way for someone her age it is not  a good prognosis.

Yesterday I talked to  her and she  sounded drunk, slurred speech and really out of it. J drove  down there right away since he  was  close by  for work  and I met him  after I  got the kids taken care of. She is unable to move very well  due to  a bad  hip so after a few  attempts at getting her down the stairs to  the car ourselves we ended up  calling an ambulance to  take her to the hospital.

At the hospital the nurse was asking her questions.  “When was the last time you ate?” To which my  mother replied “I can’t remember”. “Did you eat breakfast?” “No” “Why not?” “Because he  (my  father)  didn’t make it for me”. My DAD says “We  didn’t have any”.  OK, now first of all we have a nurse that comes in everyday and whom I am in constant contact with.  She makes sure they eat  unless of course  they refuse which  is another matter  all  together.  Second they  have plenty  of food in the house. I know my  dad meant they  simply  didn’t have any  breakfast, he  did not mean they didn’t have any FOOD but that is NOT how  the nurse took  it. She  looked at  us and shook  her head as if to  say; what is wrong with you people?! Of course the  nurse was just doing her job but  my  mom can’t hear well  and that coupled  with onset dementia and not feeling well……it was a nightmare. I  tried to  interject a few times to give her more solid facts  but she of course wanted  my mom  to  answer so  she  could get the “real story”. The questions got more intense and the answers more bizarre. J and I were  just standing there shell shocked.

My  mom has always been as sharp as a tack.  Over the last month  she has gotten  increasingly  more mentally  unstable.  She now ebbs and  flows from lucid  to  out of touch. Even though  she often used her  sharp mental capacity for evil instead of good  it is still heartbreaking to see her decline.

We  were going to  take my Dad  home with  us because he has Alzheimer’s and can’t really  be alone. So  we  took  him back to his home so  we could get him pj’s,  clothes  etc…I asked him to  grab his toothbrush to which he staunchly replied he did NOT need it. We  explained  to him  that  he will want his toothbrush since he is spending the night but for whatever  reason  he had a huge problem with this.  He went OFF on  us, screaming and yelling (we were outside) that he was  NOT GOING TO  BRING HIS G*DDAMN TOOTHBRUSH!!!!!  Comical in a warped and twisted way but  for us, two emotionally and physically exhausted  individuals, trying to  reason with  my  dad was excruciating. He  won by  the way. No  toothbrush.

The time has come. We  must move them out of THEIR home and into A home which  absolutely  sucks.  It ABSOLUTELY SUCKS!!!!!!!!! I  hate it and  it hurts my  heart and I feel  insanely  selfish  because  I  still just  keep thinking that I shouldn’t have to be  dealing with any of this at 40.  I want  my  mom.  I want to go  to  lunch  and shopping with my mom. I want  to talk  with  her on  the phone about stupid, mindless drivel just  because we can. I want her to  give me her opinion as  we look for a new home  to  buy.  I  want  that infuriating maternal unsolicited  advice about how to raise my kids. I want-  MOM.  It’s actually  pretty  silly considering we have never really had that kind of relationship but we  certainly  had something closer than what  we  have now. I  feel like an ass.  I must SOUND  like a selfish ass but it’s honest. This sucks.

My daughter  graduates  from  elementary school  today. (YEA  S!!!!!)  After graduation we will be meeting my  brother  at the hospital. It’s time for a round table discussion  about our parents  care. He and I haven’t always seen eye to  eye which is another  major ordeal. I felt they should have been moved  a  long time ago. He wanted to keep them in their house which  I completely  understand but now it’s  time for action.  I  cannot take no  for an answer.  Something must be  done  and it cannot wait any longer. They  are no longer able  to  live alone, period. I can’t imagine how difficult  this will be  for my  parents. The whole thing just breaks my  heart.

Bizarre, all day  yesterday  I found myself calling my  mom; Mommy.  I haven’t called her “mommy”  since I was a little  girl. I’m clinging.  I  know this. I am fighting the exhale of my  mothers life. Even though I know I will not win.



Filed under Adoptive Family, Life in general

20 responses to “Mommy

  1. Oh Mia, I’m so sorry

  2. (((((((((((((((Mia))))))))))))))))
    You have a heap on your plate right now. ICK.
    Thinking of you – and sending some strength.
    Hugz, Poss. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  3. (((((((Mia)))))))

    This is so hard. You are in my thoughts.

  4. Coco


    Having to parent your parents is never easy, and you’ve found yourself doing it far earlier than most people, I’d venture to say. It’s got to be that much more agonizing.

    I’m sorry this is happening. You’re right. It’s not fair.

  5. Mia 😦 I’m so sorry. You are too young to be facing this. What a painful time for all of you.

  6. Amyadoptee

    Thinking of you girl. I know that things are really rough right now. I hope it slows up on you soon.

  7. Oh, Mia. . .I’d imagine that even under the best of circumstances, the transition of having to become the caregivers to one’s parents is terribly hard. . . I can only imagine how especially difficult this is for you right now and I’m so, so sorry that you’re going through this.

    My mom fought her own brother for years regarding their parents healthcare decisions and living arrangements. I know how exasperating, emotionally painful and strenuous it was for everyone involved. Sending positive thoughts and many prayers for you and your brother – and of course for your parents – as you all go through this together.

    Many hugs and much love coming your way.

  8. Oh, Mia. My heart is breaking for you. I’m sending my best for you through this difficult time.

  9. Jen

    I just lost my grandmother last month to pancreatic cancer. Some of the emotions you describe are very similar – especially the part about watching a strong woman fall apart. My prayers are with you *hug*

  10. I am just so so sorry, Mia. *hugs* and prayers to you.

  11. (((Mia))) I’m thinking of you!

  12. Mia ~ So sorry you are going through this. I pray for strength and wisdom and peace. (((hugs)))

  13. I just want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. Your comments are greatly appreciated.

    As it turns out my mom has both pneumonia AND congestive heart failure. She is doing better though. Still in the hospital and probably will be for a few more days at least but she is improving a little.

    Thanks again to (((((everyone))))).

  14. My thoughts and sympathy goes to you

  15. carosgram

    Thinking of you and wishing you the best

  16. luminaria

    Mia, Hugs. You are amazing. I went through something similar with my a-mom for about six years before she died, and that was tough.

  17. OH I am so sorry Mia .

  18. Thank you SO so much for the love and support.

  19. Greetings! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a marvellous job!

  20. When I initially commented I clicked the -Notify me when new feedback are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I get 4 emails with the identical comment. Is there any manner you possibly can remove me from that service? Thanks!

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