Poop My Foot.
We have a jar in our house that we put money in…..often. Nope, it’s not what you’re thinking. It isn’t a cuss jar. Although some would say (ahem) we could use one of those too. This is a jar that we put money in to save for our children’s future and no it isn’t a college fund either. The money that goes in that jar is a fund to pay for their counseling when they are adults. We are simply being practical and getting a jump on things because we know our kids and they are already blaming us for everything. Better to be prepared don’t you think? Nothing but the best for our kids!
Now before passing judgment on us I would plead you to understand our brand of kid. They are smart. Too d*#% (really need to start that other jar) smart. They have been known to gang up on us, usually catching us totally unaware. Although sometimes we know it’s coming by the smoke rising in the air as they circle their devious little mental wagons. This is a sign that we are in real trouble. It’s unnerving.
I just wanted to give you a little background with the hope that you will take pity on our highly abused parental souls before getting to the poop part. I know you are all hanging on the edge of your chamber pots aren’t you?
My teenage son has issues with irregularity. At least that’s what he claims but I don’t buy it. You see EVERY TIME he is told to do something such as clean his room or do the dishes, or mow the lawn he inevitably has a miraculous need to use the bathroom. Not once in a while mind you but Every. Single. Time. Apparently chores are his fiber.
I find this highly suspect and today I told him so.
“Dear son I find your need to poop every time you are asked to do a chore highly suspect.”
He replied in his all time best – major drama queen – high pitched – squeal of protest voice;
“WHAAAATTTTT?!!! Highly SUSPECT?!!! How in the WORLD am I supposed to control WHEN I have to go? EVERY time I have to poop I get rolling eyes or a snarky comment. EVERY TIME! It’s cruel and unusual punishment I tell you! It’s just not right. A guy should be able to GO without commentary from his MOTHER!!!! I will have you know this is gonna mean a major amount of counseling for me some day. You need to put money in the jar!”
So there you have it. I put a dollar in the d#%* jar but I want it to be known that I still find his irregular pooping schedule highly suspect.