We really need to get something straight; teen pregnancy is not an epidemic.…….teen s*x is. And adoption is NOT AN ANSWER to the epidemic. Adoption is a holy band aid. Or a band aid filled with holes anyway. It may make society feel better but it doesn’t do ANYTHING to address the real issue. It’s kind of like taking cold medicine. It appears to ease the symptoms but it doesn’t do JACK to cure the virus.
You know I have three daughters. One of which is quickly approaching her teen years. I have had The Talk with her of course. Actually a long while back we began talking about it and we continue to do so. The part that I struggle with is being very clear about things like self respect, love, responsibility and consequences to actions while in the back of my mind maintaining the very real possibility that she may just go ahead and have s*x anyway. I need to KNOW I have clearly conveyed reality and yet not perpetuated the belief that she would need to feel ashamed or afraid to come to me IF she became pregnant.
Obviously there aren’t many parents out there hoping their teenager has s*x. There are a million and one reasons why it’s NOT a good idea. I know first hand what a blow to ones self esteem it can be to have s*x when you are too young and for the wrong reasons. Like for instance thinking its a great way to make someone love you. Ugh right?
The problem with the whole “teen s*x is a SIN” angle is that it perpetuates the stigma of shame. GOOD you say? OK, lets say just for the sake of argument that one moonlit night in May your teenager allows hormones to override all of those Fear of God sermons you gave and ends up pregnant. Do you REALLY want her to be too ashamed to come to you for help? Because if we use the sin angle as an alternative to open communication about the subject that becomes a real possibility.
Frightening our teens with talk of s*x and sin is ineffective. Again, there are a million and one other reasons why it’s not a good idea. This is where personal responsibility, good choices and consequences to actions come in. This is where we talk about how difficult the REALITY of teen pregnancy is. Society perpetuating the belief that adoption is in any way a cure sends the wrong message. It cures nothing. In this instance as in so many others LANGUAGE MATTERS and our kids are listening!
The fact that we continue to allow religious organizations to get involved is not only irresponsible but often has disastrous results for our kids. Religious adoption agencies are nothing more than a biased dispenser of meds for symptoms of a virus they have no effective method to cure. The worst part about that is they don’t even clearly convey the painful and life altering side effects should one choose to take their brand of medicine. This is another strong reason why religion and adoption don’t mix. As things stand religious organizations that involve themselves in adoption services send this message to our kids; S*x is a sin so don’t do it. But if you do and you get pregnant we have the cure to wash away that sin. All it will cost you is your baby.
What a load of crap.
I am not saying adoption is not a viable choice. I understand that sometimes it may be the only choice. But at what point do we convey to our kids that being a parent when you are a teenager is insanely hard AND that the alternative may be even harder. When do we convey the fact that handing your baby over to strangers is something you NEVER get over? That choosing to have s*x may just end up putting you in the position to have to make any one of those other impossibly difficult choices? WHY aren’t we talking about this reality with our kids BEFORE they make the choice to become s*xually active?!!!
I tend to believe that it really might work if we sit down and truthfully play out the many possibilities for their future if they make the choice to have s*x too early. I am not suggesting we FEAR our kids out of having s*x like one does when they use that whole sin angle but we need to be very clear with our kids about the responsibility of choices and the reality of consequences to their actions. We can’t do that if we are too busy serving adoption up as a cure and not addressing the actual problem which is our kids having s*x too early.
I guess I could have eliminated this long post and simply said~
THERE IS NO CURE FOR TEEN PREGNANCY!!!
We have to QUIT implying adoption is some sort of cure-all pill and start addressing the cause of teen pregnancy….NOT the symptom itself. Saying adoption is in any way, shape or form a cure IS like handing out cold medicine. It may make US feel better but in reality the adoption pill hasn’t done one single thing to fix what ails our kids.