I was searching for uber important tax papers among the organized chaos that is my office (ugh) and ran across my mother’s two page slapfest that she sent me. I keep a notebook with all of my search and “reunion” stuff in it but the letter only made it as far as the desk drawer.

Due to some apparent need for self inflicted pain I sat down and read it again. This got me to thinking about all of the events that led up to my final plea for compassion from her. It made me wish I had a genie that would grant me several wishes to bestow upon the woman who brought me into this world.

My Wish List~

Give me my birth certificate.

Tell me who my father is.

Apologize for being so cruel.

Acknowledge the fact that I am your daughter.

Tell me you love me.

It is probably no coincidence that the timing of me finding the letter again coincides with the fact that my sister, my nephew and my mother are soon to arrive in NYC but in my sisters words; “will not have time to visit me”. Not that I thought E would ever do such a thing but the fact that they are going to be so close and have absolutely no desire to visit my home still hurts.

You know after sitting here and reading through this letter again, maybe I really have only one wish~

Go jump in a lake.



Filed under Truthful Musings

15 responses to “Wishes

  1. Cath


    I don’t know how your mother could do that to you. I could never do that to my son

    We’ve reunited and I wish that you could have the same sort of reunion.

    It is so sad – your mother is missing out on so much (especially the grandkids – how could she ignore them is beyond me).

    Here are some more hugs for you
    You need them.

    I am one mother who is glad to know you
    (small consolation, I know)

  2. mia

    Thank you both. It’s women like you two that give reason to the madness. I just have to keep counting the many blessings I got out of this journey that came in the form of wonderful friends. In that regard I definitely came out on top.

  3. Big hugs and lots of love, Mia.

    Thinking of you (((Mia)))

  4. I still review the transcripts myself. I don’t know if it is an issue of self inflicted pain. I think sometimes it does help us heal. I know that I could not read the transcripts for a while. Now somehow I have lost them. I think they have made their way to the dump. I do however have them in the archives of my blog. Occasionally I read them. For now they stay buried. I think I read them every six months or so. I read them hoping I will see them in a different light.

  5. mia

    Thanks Paula. xoxo

    (((((Amy)))) I know what you mean. Like maybe if we read them just one more time they will miraculously change and it won’t be what it is. Sigh….

  6. Mia, you deserve all of those things.
    I wish she knew who she’s missing out on.

  7. Thank you for being honest to yourself. I wish everyone could.

  8. carosgram

    Thinking of you and wishing you the best

  9. love you mia.


  10. It makes no sense to me Mia.

  11. mia

    Thank you all for being so supportive. It really TRULY means the world to me.

    Beth it makes no sense to me either. sigh….

  12. ((((((((((((((Mia))))))))))))
    I have the first two items on your list – but only through my own searching – and because we Aussie’s have open records.
    But these –

    Apologize for being so cruel.

    Acknowledge the fact that I am your daughter.

    Tell me you love me.

    I wish for these also – with all of my heart.
    It hurts so so bad to search and only find rejection and soul destroying sadness.
    Poss. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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