I was searching for uber important tax papers among the organized chaos that is my office (ugh) and ran across my mother’s two page slapfest that she sent me. I keep a notebook with all of my search and “reunion” stuff in it but the letter only made it as far as the desk drawer.
Due to some apparent need for self inflicted pain I sat down and read it again. This got me to thinking about all of the events that led up to my final plea for compassion from her. It made me wish I had a genie that would grant me several wishes to bestow upon the woman who brought me into this world.
My Wish List~
Give me my birth certificate.
Tell me who my father is.
Apologize for being so cruel.
Acknowledge the fact that I am your daughter.
Tell me you love me.
It is probably no coincidence that the timing of me finding the letter again coincides with the fact that my sister, my nephew and my mother are soon to arrive in NYC but in my sisters words; “will not have time to visit me”. Not that I thought E would ever do such a thing but the fact that they are going to be so close and have absolutely no desire to visit my home still hurts.
You know after sitting here and reading through this letter again, maybe I really have only one wish~
Go jump in a lake.