They just don’t get it do they?

“Do I have to meet the couple who is receiving my eggs?”

“No, you do not. It is our agency’s policy that we only assist in anonymous egg donations. It has been our experience that due to the complicated nature of this process and the legal ramifications of it, this policy achieves the most desired results for all parties concerned.”
The most desired results for ALL parties concerned?!?!?!?!? Try again.

They just can’t see past the baby stage can they? As though baby will not grow UP and have desired results of their own. Results that will be entirely unobtainable due to the selfish and entitled actions of the other parties concerned.

Fools. The lot of them.



Filed under Donor Conceived Adults Speaking Up, Open Records

7 responses to “They just don’t get it do they?

  1. So much of this technology has just sprung up quickly and without a whole lot of thought to the ethical ramifications.

    Newest example, of course is cloning. It’s great, yippee, cloning is possible — the people doing these huge breakthroughs are just happy to be the first ones to do it and IMHO don’t much care about the ethical ramifications.


    Plus, there are all those dollar signs in their eyes.

  2. People all too often CAN’T see past the baby phase: this isn’t a baby, this is a person, and someday . . .

  3. Its amazingly sad that a future child can be sold. Imagine if someone was peddling a kidney….

  4. mia

    Bioethics……the wave of the future.

    Peddling a kidney? Why Mary that would be ILLEGAL! ;o)
    Yea, it’s a real shame we don’t have laws protecting the whole human being like we do their kidney.

  5. sad… and disturbing, particularly the parts directed towards “getting a kid that’s like you”, so as better to pretend it IS yours…
    “I believe that if you are visiting this website, it is because you are searching for a young woman with the traits that you desire her to have…”

    oh my god.
    poor future kids.

  6. Debbie

    My Thoughts on Anonymous Donor Eggs

    I have read that before an infertile couple adopts or undergoes IVF, they should grieve for the loss of their own biological child. Unfortunately, I do not believe that most people who do IVF using an anonymous donor egg have truly grieved for the loss of their own infertility. Couples who accept an anonymous egg are still in denial and trying to re-create what they will never be able to have. They are putting their own needs before the needs of their unborn child.

    Yes, I want to be a mother. I want to nurture and raise a family. Because a mother puts the needs of her children first, I have to be responsible and think of the repercussions of IVF with an anonymous egg donor.

    Friends, colleagues, and acquaintances will tell you: they were raised by a single mother and never knew their father; their mother died when they were very young; they were raised by their grandparents; or they were adopted or in foster care…..and they are fine. But their identity is out there. It is not being covered up, kept a secret, or withheld from them. There wasn’t a deliberate choice prior to their conception to deny them their heritage. Yes, there are times when a person’s heritage or information on their biological parents is unavailable. But there is big difference between unavailable and withheld.

    It is human nature to want to belong. It is human nature to need to feel wanted. Children placed in foster care and children who are adopted understandably struggle with these issues. And luckily there are wonderful adoptive parents out there who can meet the needs of those children and help them flourish.

    But what about the people who are donor conceived? Their situation, in one aspect, is exactly the same as adopted children. And yet these donor-conceived people were brought into the world by stable, educated, and financially secure couples. Why aren’t these couples worried about their adult child feeling unwanted by their biological donor?

    In regards to adoption, the general public still believes that if you do a good job raising an adoptive child and making him feel that he belongs and you are the true parents then he as a young adult won’t feel that something is missing or have emotional issues due to his adoption. This is what my husband and I wanted to believe when we first thought of adopting. And in many cases I’m sure this is true. It is normal for adoptive parents to believe that they can shape and mold their child to be complete and meet their needs. But these adopted adults are speaking out and telling us their struggles. There is plenty of research and books on this subject. And these stories don’t come from adult children from less than perfect homes or upbringing. These struggles come from adopted adults from loving and nurturing homes.

    I believe the institution of anonymous donors will be what closed/private adoption was before we understood the need for open adoptions. I just hope it doesn’t take as long before the fertility clinics become so enlightened. There is already plenty of research available on the needs of adopted adult children and growing information on the needs of donor conceived adults.

    Most couples who do IVF through a donor egg do not want to hear that it is like an adoption. That’s because they are still in denial of their infertility. They believe that they can give their child absolutely everything in order to be a happy, secure adult just as they would their own biological child. But we need to be honest and admit that, no – we aren’t able to do this. Someone else has to give them part of their DNA. That person who is helping us to create our child needs to be honored. Not as their birth parent, not as the parent that raised them, but as the person who helped to create them. No matter how good you are at parenting, their genetics will always be there influencing and impacting your child in a myriad of ways.

    If genetics meant nothing to me then I would adopt. Since I’m not adopting I am placing a value on the genetic make-up of my child. How can I care so deeply – want so badly -for half of my child’s DNA to come from a specific person (my husband) and know very little of the other person – the other half of the genes? That is ignoring half of your child – denying half of your child. If you didn’t care about genes at all you would adopt. But in essence you are adopting part of a child. If you’re not familiar with the responsibilities that come with adoption, you’re not being a responsible parent.

    I love my husband. And because of this I want to have as much of him around me as possible. I want his children. I want to love and raise his children. If we are able to conceive through an open donor, these children will know me and love me as their mother. But they will know their biological donor as well. It is my hope that they will see that she made a sacrifice to allow me to raise children that may have been born to a different father and looked completely different. It’s my responsibility to find a donor that I respect. A donor who when my child meets her, can be thankful for this person.

    I don’t think it is appropriate or needed for the donor to play a role in our child’s life or be as involved as a birth mother often is in an open adoption. But I do think it is necessary for a letter to be written to the IVF couple or to the child explaining their thoughts and feelings on why they donated and how they view the consequences of their actions. I don’t think nor want a relationship between the donor and my child but I think it is only natural and honorable that the donor acknowledge their DNA and celebrate the life they were able to bring into this world. For me this would mean allowing our older child or young adult (if they wanted) the opportunity to make contact with their donor. It would be understood that there is no responsibility, obligation or need for a relationship. Just a chance to meet a person that played a vital role in their creation.

    No matter how minimal, most people have a story that goes with both of their genes. It would be just as easy to tell a donor conceived older child: your donor’s name is Betty Sue. She is a nurse, lives on the east coast, and breeds Golden Retrievers.

    I am okay with woman giving their eggs for monetary gains. They have something that I don’t have and I’m willing to pay for it. I’m not okay with fertility clinics keeping the IVF couple and the donor anonymous from each other when they are wanting to have contact or know one another. I want our donor to feel proud of the life she helped us to create or the many lives she helped several couples to create.

    No, our child may not grow up and feel the need to find their donor or know where half of their genetics came from. But what if they do? What if that is fundamental to them and they need it? How can a person create a life or be a parent knowing they have already hurt what is most important and dear to them, their child.

    Not all donor conceived young adults will feel the same. Not all donor conceived offspring will have emotional issues: feelings of abandonment; feel like something – some part of them is missing. But what if our child does? And an open donor relationship can help this.

    Invitro-fertilization is an amazing medical breakthrough. Because it is the domain of the medical field requiring cutting edge technology we need to be careful that we don’t treat the result in the same clinical way. This is a life that science is creating. Donating an egg is not the same as donating blood. How can we believe that it is the same? We need to take off our clinical glasses and think about the lives we are creating through donations.

    In creating children, through an anonymous donor, you are taking a piece of them away. Unless you are able to put that piece back through an open donor process I believe this process to be unethical.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s