Flashback

I just remembered the most unexpected, totally messed up thing. I was reading Elizabeth’s post and all of a sudden this memory (actually more like many memories) came flying through my brain. They hit me like a sledge hammer across my unsuspecting head. WHAM!

I have suppressed most of my memory from childhood so it always surprises me a little when something comes back. But this, THIS caught me totally off guard.

Every single childhood birthday from as far back as I can remember (until I just started getting drunk at around age 15) I would sneak off, climb into my closet and close the door, curl up into the fetal position……

and cry for my mother.

I would cry “Why, why why?”

Fuck.

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10 Comments

Filed under Memories

10 responses to “Flashback

  1. I would curl up into fetal position and cry too. I still do. I sleep in fetal position still also. How wierd, I was just thinking about posting on this today. ((((Mia))))) your post made me cry just now. Man… WTF happened to us and why doesn’t society recognize it? fuck! I’m so sorry.

  2. Elizabeth

    {{{{{Mia}}}}}

  3. Anonymous

    Mia,

    All the time growing up I slept a lot in fetal position. I still do sometimes. In the last several months, I have been saying “why, why me?” I am sooo sorry for you and all of us.

  4. KT

    hmmmm….I sleep naked and usually sprawled out. Wonder then what that means!? LOL

    😉

  5. mia

    It means you want to live in Margaritaville cause you like to feel the air on your coconuts.

    Never underestimate the power laughter has on your soul!

  6. lmao that was good, maybe i need some air on my coconuts!

  7. mia

    Gershom my coconuts could use some air too. Let’s all go to Margaritaville!!!!

  8. Oh count me out on the coconut airing. It would not be a pretty sight.

    Mia I ruined every single birthday I ever had. And even when I was deep into adoption-hatred land, I still didn’t associate my bad birthdays with my adoption. I never really felt like I was ever born.

  9. mia

    ((((((((((((Theresa)))))))))))))) I understand.

    Oh, and Elizabeth….THANK YOU. It was good for me to allow this memory to come and in a way you helped me do that. That little girl was stuck in the closet wayyyy too long. SHE’S FREE!!! xoxo

    ((((Anon.))))

  10. Wow T! I ruined every birthday I’ve ever had too. I can remember once my amom planned this big surprise birthday for me, my friends told me and i ditched school and didnt want it. She found out I ditched, and grounded me and for the rest of the day rubbed it in my face about how big of a party she had planned but I ruined it and she’d never do that again. she didn’t. and I didn’t want it anyways… to hell with birthdays! they suck!

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