It has taken YEARS to step outside of myself and view my pain from the outside in instead of the other way around. It has taken years to learn to act instead of react. Not that I am always successful. Truth be told I am more often unsuccessful. It takes a lot of effort.

If I am treated poorly by someone I try to remember two things;

They are reacting to their own issues and what I don’t like in someone else is probably mirroring a part of myself I don’t particularly like.

It is very hard to learn not to take things personally, particularly for me as an adoptee. Why? Because I have this very strong need to please people for fear of being rejected. Sadly this applies to people I don’t even necessarily like! It caused me years of unnecessary involvement with unhealthy people who’s main goal seemed to be to bring me down. Misery does love company.

My views on adoption many times have been completely disregarded in a judgmental and often very angry way. It bothers me but it isn’t a need to be right that I contend with, it is a need to be liked. It’s also not always easy to keep myself from reacting. I am still learning the depth of my compassion.

So often in our world compassionate people are called traitors. Those who speak their truth without wearing a constant cloak of anger are misinterpreted as telling only half truths. Activism that includes the concept of unity is often considered illogical. Truth delivered with kindness is considered insincere and coming from a place of peace is simply considered……. useless.

How amazing life would be if we could eliminate judgment completely from our lives. I would love to rid myself of judging others and I would also very much love to allow others judgment of me not to have any effect on my day.

I found this appropriate~


The choice to judge rather than to know
is the cause of the loss of peace.

You have no idea
of the tremendous release and deep peace
that comes from meeting yourself and your brothers
totally without judgment.

Judgment always imprisons
because it separates segments of reality
by the unstable scales of desire.

You who would judge reality
cannot see it,
for whenever judgment enters
reality has slipped away.

No one who loves can judge,
and what he sees is free of condemnation.

Comparison must be an ego device,
for love makes none.
Specialness always makes comparisons.
It is established by a lack seen in another,
and maintained by searching for,
and keeping clear in sight,
all lacks it can perceive.

Learn this, and learn it well,
for it is here delay of happiness is shortened
by a span of time you cannot realize.
You never hate your brother for his sins,
but only for your own.

Judgment was made to be a weapon
used against the truth.
It separates what it is being used against,
and sets it off as if it were a thing apart.
And then it makes of it
what you would have it be.
It judges what it cannot understand,
because it cannot see totality
and therefore judges falsely.

Wisdom is not judgment;
it is the relinquishment of judgment.

When I have forgiven myself
and remembered who I am,
I will bless everyone and everything I see.

Accept This Gift
Selections From
A Course in Miracles



Filed under Life in general

10 responses to “Judgment

  1. I spent years wanting everyone to like me too. It took reading the book “Toxic Parents” for me to realize that it’s OK to end an unhealthy relationship. So what if they don’t like me. A lot of people with which I have healthy and loving relationships DO LIKE ME.

    There is judgment in the adoption community for sure. I’ve very likely judged some others. For being judgmental. Ha! I especially like this line:

    Wisdom is not judgment;
    it is the relinquishment of judgment.

    You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you.

  2. Stewie

    I love this post! I am getting there, too, Mia, it’s hard but freeing to live in the truth. I’m walking the same road as you and I love this poem here. Thanks for this. xoxoxo

  3. Judgement is a hard one. I’ve been judged and dismissed so often, I find my own judgements an armor and a shield. I just work to try and trust myself and my response to something I hear, or read, or see. A lot of times I let my body set the pace. If I feel this body response to something, either positive or negative, I know it’s honest. For me it has always been choosing to respond rather than react.

    Of course I don’t always choose the right way, but I’m getting there …… 🙂

  4. Justice

    “When I have forgiven myself
    and remembered who I am,
    I will bless everyone and everything I see.”

    This is so important because we continue judging. It comes so naturally. So I work to bring forgiveness through on a regular basis.

    I saw a new book out called, Mistakes Were Made; but Not by Me — kind of explaining how we impulsively react to things that counter our (own lovely) opinions.

    Thanks for your voice.

  5. Such a profound post, Mia. I can identify with so much of it. So much of my younger years were spent trying to bend over backwards to earn the approval of those who barely even noticed that I was alive – let alone people who had my best interest at heart. That fear of rejection is so powerful, so intense, even when it isn’t readily apparent to us at the time.

    Thinking of you, my friend. ((((Mia))))

  6. Miss Mia – I now have a father!!!
    And I can’t stop doing the happy dance.
    Just had to let you know.
    Poss. xx

  7. Stacy

    Man do I understand the people pleasing thing! Judgement is such a hard thing to get rid of, but wish we so could then everyone could be themselves and live the life they are meant to live without worrying what people thought. Great post!

  8. mia

    Thanks everyone. I have had company and this is the first chance I have had to read posts.

    ((((((((Possum))))))))))) I am so happy for you!!!!! Tears. Happy tears.

  9. Mia,

    What an absolutely great post!

  10. Amy

    Are ya gonna write more soon?

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