It has taken YEARS to step outside of myself and view my pain from the outside in instead of the other way around. It has taken years to learn to act instead of react. Not that I am always successful. Truth be told I am more often unsuccessful. It takes a lot of effort.
If I am treated poorly by someone I try to remember two things;
They are reacting to their own issues and what I don’t like in someone else is probably mirroring a part of myself I don’t particularly like.
It is very hard to learn not to take things personally, particularly for me as an adoptee. Why? Because I have this very strong need to please people for fear of being rejected. Sadly this applies to people I don’t even necessarily like! It caused me years of unnecessary involvement with unhealthy people who’s main goal seemed to be to bring me down. Misery does love company.
My views on adoption many times have been completely disregarded in a judgmental and often very angry way. It bothers me but it isn’t a need to be right that I contend with, it is a need to be liked. It’s also not always easy to keep myself from reacting. I am still learning the depth of my compassion.
So often in our world compassionate people are called traitors. Those who speak their truth without wearing a constant cloak of anger are misinterpreted as telling only half truths. Activism that includes the concept of unity is often considered illogical. Truth delivered with kindness is considered insincere and coming from a place of peace is simply considered……. useless.
How amazing life would be if we could eliminate judgment completely from our lives. I would love to rid myself of judging others and I would also very much love to allow others judgment of me not to have any effect on my day.
I found this appropriate~
The choice to judge rather than to know
is the cause of the loss of peace.
You have no idea
of the tremendous release and deep peace
that comes from meeting yourself and your brothers
totally without judgment.
Judgment always imprisons
because it separates segments of reality
by the unstable scales of desire.
You who would judge reality
cannot see it,
for whenever judgment enters
reality has slipped away.
No one who loves can judge,
and what he sees is free of condemnation.
Comparison must be an ego device,
for love makes none.
Specialness always makes comparisons.
It is established by a lack seen in another,
and maintained by searching for,
and keeping clear in sight,
all lacks it can perceive.
Learn this, and learn it well,
for it is here delay of happiness is shortened
by a span of time you cannot realize.
You never hate your brother for his sins,
but only for your own.
Judgment was made to be a weapon
used against the truth.
It separates what it is being used against,
and sets it off as if it were a thing apart.
And then it makes of it
what you would have it be.
It judges what it cannot understand,
because it cannot see totality
and therefore judges falsely.
Wisdom is not judgment;
it is the relinquishment of judgment.
When I have forgiven myself
and remembered who I am,
I will bless everyone and everything I see.
Accept This Gift
A Course in Miracles