You can spot em’ a mile away. NEWBIE!!!! The thing I find so interesting is that the steps are always the same. Each adoptee comes into this thing exactly the same way. As I said earlier some meander so slowly it doesn’t even look like they are moving and some bolt down the path at lightening speed but it’s alllllllll the same worn path.
What IS this? Conditioned responses, learned behavior, systematic, on purpose and by design. If anyone out there doesn’t think there is a problem with the mindset of society surrounding adoption they only need look at the empirical evidence dished out by newbies.
“I have no desire to search for my birth family.” ” My parents are wonderful and THEY are my parents.”
As if seeking to discover ones full identity has ANYTHING at all to do with what sort of parents you were given. Rubbish.
“I just want to thank her for giving me life”
Oh this one is my favorite. If I had a nickel for every time I have heard this one I would be sipping an umbrella drink under a palm tree instead of writing this post. How many biological adults do you hear running around saying this to their parents? Ummm, it’s sort of a given isn’t it?
“I just want medical information”
So you don’t really want to know what nationality you are? Who you look like? Where you get your artistic ability? Your gift for numbers? You have absolutely NO desire to take a gander at the people who brought you into this world? Sure you don’t. Suuuurrrreeeee. You are ALLOWED to desire this information you know. It is perfectly natural to do so.
We have been where you are. We respect your journey and understand that you must take it – one step at a time. You can’t skip steps. Just know that when you get HERE we will be waiting with open arms. To welcome you. To embrace you. No judgment, no “I told you so”. Just us welcoming another.
Now I know that there will be those who will use this post as fodder for their misguided perspective on open records. I know there are going to be those who say “SEE! I TOLD you you don’t just want your records, that you would abuse the “privilege” of (your very own) information”. To that I would say…..if by abuse you mean I would use MY birth certificate to discover more about my true identity, discover more about myself then the answer is yes you are correct. HOWEVER, as things stand now I have absolutely NO control over if, when, why or how this is done.
I DO have the ability to be respectful, empathetic, compassionate if given the chance. We do not withhold all of society’s identities for fear that they will misuse or abuse the right. Abusing another’s privacy happens every single day outside of the adoption arena. That’s why we have things like restraining orders and stiff penalties for identity theft etc… In the scheme of things a very small percentage of people abuse others privacy. Open records is a civil right and is misrepresented when ANY “what if’s” are brought into it. I could “what if” YOU out of every single right you have if given the chance.
You want truth? I’ll give you truth. Do I want to know? You bet. Will I attempt to discover my identity if given my OBC? You bet. Do I have the ability to be respectful toward another’s wishes? A resounding YES to that as well. Do I think it’s right for a natural parent to deny contact? Morally – no I don’t think it is. However, they have the ability to do so and I have the ability to respect that.
You may not remove a civil right from someone because you THINK they will abuse it.
It is equally silly to say (RTL arguement) that I cannot have MY civil rights because someone ELSE may go off and get an abortion. That’s like me saying I am suspending your license because the guy down the road may get drunk and drive. It’s lunacy. LUNACY I TELL YA’!
How’s that for honest?