They chose not to attend my girls dance recital again. I offered to pick them up but my mom “wasn’t feeling well.” This is the second year in a row they have chosen not to come.  Last year my daughters were devastated. At least I learned my lesson and didn’t mention to my girls that their grandparents might come this year.

My mom has been complaining (news!) about being stuck in the house lately, about nobody in her family visiting with her. Now I know my mother well enough to know it has less to do with actually wanting to SEE anyone as it does about needing something to complain about. How do I know this? Because as it happens my cousins are planning to visit my aunt who is turning 90 something on Saturday. They keep leaving messages asking me if my mom is going to have a ride there. The funny thing is I have spoken to my mom on several occasions offering to take her to this thing. It must slip her mind to mention that to them.

So I called her today. Again.

“Mom I am calling to see if you would like to go to Aunt M’s house this Saturday because as I said before we would be happy to take you.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I have this terrible sore throat and I have been battling a little fever for days.”

To Self: What the hell is a “little”  fever and if it’s so little why is she doing battle with it? Hey, I have to entertain myself somehow! My mother’s physical and emotional state is the EXTENT of  every single  conversation we have. The good news is I have cut the calls down to a couple a week and just put up with the “why haven’t you called me?” bull.


“Yes, that’s what you were saying last week. The antibiotics didn’t help?”


To Self: Of course they didn’t help because antibiotics don’t cure It’s All In Your Headitis!!!

“So what you are saying then is that you would rather not go?”

“Well I just dont think I should be around everyone with this throat.”

Me trying the voice of reason:

“Mom you have been on antibiotics for over a week now. You are not contagious anymore (Not that I thought she ever was mind you). All I’m saying is either you want to go or you don’t. If you don’t want to go thats perfectly alright I just need to know. ”

The Freakout:

“I just can’t! I can’t. I can’t. I am so tired of the throat, the hip, the head, the ears. (My mother has absolutely no direct attachment to her own body parts. They are always referred to as “the” not “my“)  You just don’t know what it’s like! I can’t stand it ANY longer!”

And then she hit me with it. The MOTHER of all selfish comments, one of the most jacked up things you can ever say to your own daughter, she says……

“Sometimes I think I should just get it over with. You may wake up one day and I’ll have just done it, I’ll get it all over with and kill myself. ”

Nice mom. Nice. You could have just said “I don’t want to go”.



Filed under Adoptive Family, Life in general

12 responses to “Narci-licious

  1. Oy. What a headache. Now y0u probably can’t visit because of the unbearable headache.
    For no particular reason part of me is terrified that I’m going to be like that when I’m older. The other part of me thinks that being terrified by the thought is protective against it . . .

  2. mia

    No worries Abebech, you aren’t going to be like that or you would already be showing symptoms. My mom didn’t become this way in old age, she has always been this way. But I know what you mean. I check myself often for signs. lol

  3. “Well, in that case, Mom, I guess you won’t be needing a ride.”

    Oops. My bad.

  4. mia

    That made me LAUGH and the strangest part is I don’t even feel guilty for it! What’s happening to me?!

  5. Mia’s husband here. Just wanted to say (JIH) I thought that comment was genius. I wish I would have been a little quicker with something like that for Mia. Thanks for the laugh.

  6. Amyadoptee

    Been there and done that. Do it all the time in fact. Sorry this made me laugh

  7. The comment was a work of staggering genius. I’m glad I buy keyboards and mice in bulk quantity. I’ve ruined yet another one with the coffee-laugh-spit combo.

  8. Yeah, I have seen this before. Then they wonder why no one wants to visit them. My advise is try not to hurt yourself figuring her out. She isn’t happy unless she is sad….and that is pretty sad!

  9. Oh, Thanks.

    Mia, no worries — you don’t feel guilty because you know she’s just being histrionic.

    My grandfather was supposedly on his deathbed for 14 years. I wonder how he would have reacted if my mother had just said something like that every time he talked about dying, it “being his last birthday,” or some other such nonsense. He even did that to me when I was TWELVE YEARS OLD!! and didn’t know what was going on and nobody else was around, started going on talking about meeting up with my mom’s mother (who had been dead for years) soon, that he would be looking forward to seeing her.

    If only I knew then what I know now and had the mouth then that I do now — HA, old gramps would have been in for a real surprise!!

  10. Good grief, Mia. I know I’ve said it before, but I am convinced our mothers are related.

    I am so impressed with how you’re handling it!

  11. You know Mia we could just say “Yes Ma’am all the time” I used to say that to an old boyfriend. It used to drive him crazy. He would finally ask why. I would very politely point out how he screwed up. He would just stand there dumbfounded. Somehow though our mothers would not do it. They might get mad at us. But it is worth the laugh all the same.

  12. Catching up, Mia!

    You just can win with parents like these.


    Reading between the lines and I think you’re toughening up. I hope so for your sake. Otherwise, you’d be a dried-up, shriveled thing b/c baby, that woman’s been trying to suck you dry!

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