So I’m filling out some tax information (please don’t ask why I am doing this in June) and line 38 under deductions reads:
Ah, my adoption related expenses! Yipeeee this should help!
OK, let’s see-
Search assistance expenses incurred by trying to help countless adoptees (including myself) find out who they are.
Paper, printer ink, gas, phone, library copies, Internet service, time…………………….
What’s that you say? They aren’t talking about these kinds of adoption expenses? Oh my.
Now, after the itemizing of line 38 (not that I don’t take your word for it) I am asked to sign my name on the dotted line indicating that all of the information I have provided on my tax forms is accurate and………..AND………that I am who I say I am.
Well shoot. They’ve got me there don’t they? Now what?
A letter. Yes, I shall write a letter explaining my predicament.
I am writing to inform you that I simply cannot comply with your tax request at this time. You see you have asked me to sign my name swearing that I am who I say I am. I cannot tell a lie Mr. Taxman. The truth is I am not who I say I am. Of course I could provide you with a copy of my birth certificate but it is a falsified document and you have made it perfectly clear this is seriously frowned upon. As a matter of fact I believe it is considered a federal offense is it not? There would be jail time involved and quite frankly I do NOT do well in small spaces. Not to mention I look terrible in stripes. But I digress.
I fully understand that I am a citizen of the United States of America and as such have an obligation to pay my taxes. I fully intend to comply however I need you to do me just one teeny tiny favor first. Simply fill out the attached form 10563-C (code word Secret) in triplicate and send it to the State of Colorado requesting that they in turn send you a copy of my Original Birth Certificate. They certainly wouldn’t deny YOU a copy would they?
Next, inform me of the information provided to you by certified letter within 30 days of receipt. I shall in turn immediately sign my full and accurate name and mail it post haste along with this gi-normous check.
Please know that I fully understand it is my duty as a citizen of this country to pay my taxes. After all I am afforded all of the rights and privileges as any other American citizen so it’s only fair. I simply want to follow the rules.
I anxiously await your response.