Thinking Out Loud

They say you can’t miss something you’ve never had. Blissful ignorance and all of that. What happens though when intentionally or not you actually experience what you have lived without for so long? What happens then? You are left with a sick longing in your heart and intense confusion in your mind. You don’t realize how much you miss something until its made real. Then all of a sudden you become abundantly aware that it’s gone. There it is in all it’s unfulfilled glory and it leaves you begging for blissful ignorance again.

I’m sure we can go about life enjoying what’s there (and there is a LOT there) but I’m not so sure we can live fully with a wall in our way. I guess it really doesn’t matter because the wall serves a huge purpose. It’s protecting us from seeing what’s missing and that can be a real blessing. Man made ignorance.

The wall can stand for only so long though. That’s the part that brings us back to thinking about what’s on the other side. Knowing somewhere deep within, that the wall isn’t going to last forever. Nothing man made ever does.



Filed under Life in general

4 responses to “Thinking Out Loud

  1. Anonomous

    Wow… Well spoken…
    And I know exactly what you mean, because it can fit perfectly for sooo many different situations.
    It reminds me of those who say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Yet somehow, I think that ignorance is almost better than that begging pain!
    (sorry, I can’t comment signed in, wordpress doesn’t like me!)

  2. suz

    They say you can’t miss something you’ve never had.

    Is this in relation to adoption? Cuz if it is and it is meant towards mothers or children, I disagree. We had each other. You had your first mother. You lives were deeply entwined for nine months or more. You can definitely miss what you never had – or had for only a short while.

    I miss my daughter with every breath I take. I remember holding her, carrying her in my body, I remember how she hicked inside me, how she had hiccups alot (lower right side), I remember the smell of her, the feeling of her dark hair, the color of her rosey cheeks.

    I would fight very hard with someone who told me I could not miss what I never had.

  3. mia

    Jesse I agree that it feels like it would be easier. The problem is our defenses can’t be permanent because they aren’t truth.

    That’s sort of the whole point Suz. As hard as we try we will always fall short of ignoring truth. Truth is divine, its not man made like the wall. People choose ignorance, choose to hide because it “feels better” not having to face all of the unknowns. Truth can initially hurt like hell because it points out all of our perceived failures. It can seem easier to convince ourselves that what’s on our side of the wall is all there is. We create the barrier ourselves. It’s a defense mechanism.

    By the way I KNOW the other side is much brighter, I’m just acknowledging that sometimes it’s difficult to take the leap.

  4. You can’t go back to the blissful ignorance. I have tried but I can’t. I have tried walking away from all of this. I am reminded time and time again why I am doing this. I am fighting to prevent future hurt of others. Sometimes though I wish I could back to blissful ignorance.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s