“How Do You Want To Be Loved?”

This question was posed to me by an adoptive mother. It’s a good question. Here is my reply.

Unconditionally and All Inclusively– embracing all that I am and all that I am not. Love for all of the parts which make me – ME. This includes loving the parts you find uncomfortable, challenging and threatening. I am not speaking of behaviors or actions that are unhealthy here, I am talking about the essence of all that makes me who I am.

Truthfully – acknowledging my entire being, without forcing me into the impossible roles of; healer of things it is not my place to heal, fixer of things it is not my job to fix, creator of things that I simply cannot create. Please do not hand me your baggage to carry. Be truthful with yourself because I already know the truth of my existence and I am familiar with my limitations. I intuitively know who I am and who I am not. If I encourage you in living untruths it just means I have become a good actor.

Fiercely – protective of my rights as a human being. Shifting society’s perception by embracing truth and dispelling myth even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Freely – I hear ultimatums spoken or unspoken. I hear them. Ultimatums makes me worry that if I don’t comply you will stop loving me.

Compassionately – for the parts of me you will never fully understand. Acceptance of the truth that there are parts that hurt inside of me that you cannot heal even though you want to with every fiber of your being. Some paths I must walk alone.



Filed under Truthful Musings

8 responses to ““How Do You Want To Be Loved?”

  1. This could also be “If you want to love being an aparent, really love it, this is how you should love your children.”

    This is a list very like the expectations we set out for ourselves as parents (not just aparents, but parents — ds was predicted to have some disability, and for dd we were open to some, so maybe that’
    s why we needed to be really intentional about our intentions . . . Yet as aparents it’s all the more important).

    I’m crying now. Not sure if its because I feel like I haven’t done it, or if it’s because I’ll never really know if I have.

    But I’m also sad for parents who don’t or can’t at least try to do these things too, as they’re missing out on the fantastic surprise that each person can be when allowed to really BE. And I’m sad for your mothers having missed out in that way on YOU.

  2. Mia is this so beautiful.

  3. Mia, I’m speechless and moved to tears.

  4. cloudscome

    Wonderful. Thank you for putting this out so clearly and simply. I am going to keep this where I can see it. Everyone needs to be loved this way.

  5. Just wonderful Mia, I am so glad you are here too.

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