Are you kidding me?
Agency brochure to expecting mothers:
If I had read this brochure when I was pregnant with my first child I would have absolutely freaked out. I would have been completely, over the TOP freaked out. As a matter of fact I read it NOW and rethought my decision to parent! *kidding of course*
Imagine your life before parenthood and how fearful you were about what kind of parent you would be. SO many questions….Will I be good enough? Do I have what it takes? Oh the list goes on and on. In real life we ask ourselves these questions over time. They don’t come to us all at once while reading some brochure. I mean are we really going to know for a fact that we will actually enjoy finger painting with pudding or how strong our ability is to withstand hours of purple dinosaurs, BEFORE we have kids? Do we know we have what it takes to parent alone if our partner decides family life just isn’t for them? Will our family fully support us? Are we sure we will be able to provide every single thing our kids need? No way can we know these things for certain.
I don’t think this line of questioning is fair and it bugs me that there are people out there who do. I mean an agency is comprised of living breathing human beings! Don’t they take issue with this?
As the parent of four kids now I can honestly say these questions answered themselves. Some had positive outcomes and others did not, but we made it work. We have four really great kids and have grown INTO the sort of stability they talk about in this brochure. There were/are hard times and there were/are great times but we make it work because that is what a good parent does. I can honestly say I would not have answered these questions sufficiently enough to be confident in my ability to be a good parent. As it turns out I am and I think that’s really important. Thank GOD nobody handed me this brochure when I was pregnant for the first time because I may not have made the choice I did. I can’t imagine my life without my son. It makes me ill to think about.
I kept thinking this brochure SHOULD read like one of those commercials: Fancy Designer Stroller 500.00 An Unlimited Supply of Brand Name Clothing 6000.00 Seeing your child smile for the first time: Priceless
The answers to some of these same questions directed at a PAP instead of a confused and frightened young mother to be would be viewed much differently. For example the question regarding the sex of the child. Wild isn’t it? I have been informed that PAP’s are asked similar questions but I suspect the effect is vastly different.
One of the profiles reads -“Without you, families like ours would never have the opportunity to fulfill their dreams.” It amazes me that people can still be confused by how fundamentally wrong a statement like this is. It blows my mind that society as a whole just doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with marketing like this to fearful expecting mothers. It shocks me that they couldn’t put themselves into the shoes of a young, pregnant mother and realize being fearful about your ability to be a good parent is just a normal part of the parenting journey. That so many of these mothers who have resigned themselves to adoption are doing so because all of these people circling her like vultures have convinced her she just doesn’t have what it takes. The thing is I’m not entirely sure I know everything it takes. I learn as I go.
I met the founder of this organization at a business meeting. She is an adoptee who does not at all have a problem with her chosen profession. I think her personal experiences are accountable for thinking adoption is THE answer. For professional reasons I wasn’t going to bring this bit up but since it’s front page news on their website I guess they don’t mind! Their handling of Angie Jolie’s adoption is something they are quite proud of I guess.
I am really kicking myself for not speaking up. The timing wasn’t appropriate but I still should have given her something to walk away with. I hate walking away from a situation feeling like there was probably one thing I could have said that would have made someone THINK. I said earlier “you can’t make someone grow a conscience” but I still feel like I passed up the opportunity to plant a seed of doubt about the integrity of the process that brings them all such wealth.
Spitting in the wind I suspect. Still, for my own well-being I should have said something because I was the one who lost sleep over it. The rest of them are probably sleeping like “better off” babies in cashmere pajamas.