Things are really shaping up and we are almost ready to begin production so I want to give everyone an idea of what we are looking to convey in the video. I know it’s long winded but I want to be sure it’s clear WHY we are leaning toward the message we are. Without you it isn’t going to happen so if you see things differently SAY SO. All ideas should be considered because this isn’t going to be mine and Kevins’ video it’s going to be all of ours! We are all weary and worn, feeling beaten and bruised. It’s time we pour our energy into something positive.
Here’s the thought process behind the focus of the video:
Losing your fear of reality has a profound effect on a person. One of the things that is refreshing about our on-line adoption community is that we are surrounded by people who have shed their As If mentality. People who are here to learn and grow, regardless of what form that takes. Some people use humor, some use art, others simply (yet profoundly) need to vent. We all have the same goal though, to share our experiences and come out the other side. Changed? Yes. Deeply affected? Yes, but finding our way none the less. All of us working toward truth in the light of day, ridding ourselves of secrecy. Many for the very first time in their lives.
I think most, if not all of the nay-sayers we are subjected to come from the As If people who dwell among us. Deep down we all know the reality of adoption, even with it’s many complex layers and even if it’s only on a sub-conscious level. It is the emotional side of adoption that keeps people living in the As Ifs. I mean you have to make a conscious choice to live in reality, particularly if that reality feels threatening. We choose how deeply we will embed the As If mentality into our consciousness.
People acting/reacting As If their child were solely their claim. As If their gain does not stem from another’s loss. A good example of this is the recent hullabaloo at Claude’s blog. Imagine, someone justifying their fear of reality by dissecting the word “parent”. Reality tells us that this is grasping at imaginary straws. The REALITY is that we (adoptees) have four parents. Period.
People acting/reacting As If their biological origin has absolutely nothing to do with who they are. I don’t suggest that anyone who claims to be “perfectly happy with not knowing” may not actually be happy. But I can’t help but think that happiness covers the very NATURAL desire to know who they are. ALL of who they are. I believe it is buried in their sub-conscious somewhere. How could it not be? That would be unnatural.
People using anger and resentment from their personal experience as their sole method of communication As If that were going to change things for the better. Anger has it’s place and must be experienced and expressed but it can’t be used as a catalyst for positive change regarding reform. Time and time again we bang our heads against the brick wall, angrily trying to get people to listen. Only to discover our heart felt pleas to understand us are falling on deaf ears. It is exhausting, damaging and frustrating to try and force a conscience on someone. Anger DOES serve a purpose but it doesn’t serve a purpose in this area.
Sadly you will often see people (particularly adoptees) who show signs of recognizing reality yet still live in As If Land to protect those they love from having to visit Reality Land. I think this is what makes the most messed up of people affected by adoption. I know because I was one of them for a really long time. It’s living a lie, compromising your value as a human being and your ability to stay true to your inner- most beliefs. It’s adjusting your behavior to fulfill the unhealthy needs of someone else.
This video (and subsequent projects we see happening as a result) has the power to break through the veil of myths surrounding what adoption is and what it is not. We would like this video to be about the shedding of secrecy and the healing in truth. Like the saying “there is nothing to fear but fear itself”. The secrecy in adoption all stems from people fearing reality. Fear of facing loss, fear of facing pain, fear of facing the past, fear of facing REALITY. WE represent those who have let go of the cloak of secrecy and not only survived but are better off for it. We want our message to convey that those of us in the adoption community who have chosen reality are not to be feared and cannot be dismissed. We are your neighbor, your friend, your boss, your teacher, your sister, your mother. We are farmers and housewives, doctors and lawyers, musicians and artists, engineers and entertainers. We are EVERYWHERE. We want to show the world what we are and what we are not. You cannot help but love and respect us because we are you.
That message will be conveyed differently by each of you because we are all unique. But that’s the beauty in it, because it’s in our individuality that we can use creativity to reach common ground.
What is your truth? What secret do you want unveiled? What do you want to say to the world? Maybe your message is “Love ALL of me”. Maybe you want your message to be about open records or breaking through the myth surrounding natural mothers…..whatever…as long as the message is a positive one.
The same message given two different ways:
Adoptees DESERVE their Original Birth Certificates (which we do and which I actually had on my car for a long time)
Open Hearts Open Minds Open Records – says the same thing and it’s the direction we want this video to take. Strong is fine, just no anger.
Shortly we will be sending out a call for those video clips along with some technical guidelines. So start jotting down your ideas! I really hope you are all as excited about this as I am. If not that’s OK, I am excited enough for all of us. Thank you to those who have already come up with your signs! You are all brilliant!