Scr*pple Anyone?

A friend of mine just posted this on a group I belong to. I have made no secret of my disdain for the Catholic Conference and Catholic Charities organizations. I have good reason to feel the way I do. I think no matter where you stand regarding the NJ bill it is not difficult to see the hypocrisy slathered throughout this document. Let’s have some fun shall we?

Italics are mine. Obviously.

New Jersey Catholic Conference
149 North Warren Street, Trenton, New Jersey 08608

609-989-1120

Action Alert

A-2557 (Primary Sponsors: Manzo, Prieto, Voss and Caraballo)

ISSUE:

In the near future, the Assembly Human Services Committee will consider A-2557. This proposal would permit adults who had been adopted as children, as well as the guardians or adoptive parents of a child who is currently a minor, to learn the identity of a biological parent. These birth parents had surrendered children for adoption with not merely an expectation of confidentiality but with actual statutory assurance that his or her identity as the child’s parent will be shielded from public disclosure.

You know I always thought Thou Shalt Not Lie was part of the ten commandments. After reviewing them I see I am mistaken. My bad. I should have paid more attention in catechism class. It stands to reason then that the CC believes all adult adoptees shall go through life without knowing their true identity so natural parents can keep their secrets hidden, lie to their loved ones and live in eternal shame. Truly, if shame is not the point what is? It’s just a good thing secrets and lies aren’t part of the ten commandments! Whew.

NJCC POSITION:

The New Jersey Catholic Conference opposes A2557 as currently written. NJCC does not oppose adoptees’ having full access to their biological parents’ medical histories; this information can often prove helpful in dealing with medical difficulties that they – and their own descendants – might confront. While it is currently fully available, the Legislature’s formally mandating such availability would be advisable.

Descendant? Isn’t that just a clever way to say FAMILY? I’m sure using the word family in any part of this document was probably strongly advised against.

We are no longer in need of the services of a social worker government mandated or or otherwise. We are adults now. Thank you very much. If I or one of my loved ones is dying and we need medical history asap it would be really swell not to have to go through a lengthy court proceeding to save their life. But that’s just the ungrateful bastard in me talking.

Neither does the Conference oppose revealing the identities of their natural parents to adoptees in cases where the natural parents have affirmatively consented to the release of such information. However, to release that information without the birth parents’ actual consent is a callous betrayal.

This is laughable. Everyone knows if you look up the term callous betrayal you will find the following;

A person or group who steals a child’s identity, falsifies documents passing them off as accurate and charges for the service. All the while doing so and claiming to have the best interest of said child at heart. Furthermore, refusing to return the aforementioned stolen identity even when said child reaches maturity. In an attempt to personify the essence of callous betrayal this group later charges the adult in question for bits and pieces of their very own stolen identity, knowing full well no recognition of true identity can be gained by the bits and pieces they choose to share.

Birth mothers have relied on an assurance of privacy not based on some private contract or agreement between themselves and the adoption agency; no such contract or agreement was needed in light of the specific public law – which the court has called “the statutory shield of confidentiality.”

There is absolutely no rationale to this what so ever. Is it a law or isn’t it? Public law? So it’s a societal thing then? Was it just implied or did everyone go around saying; “Contract?” “We don’t need no stinking contract!” “The statutory shield of confidentiality l’ be good e nuf’!”

They seem to use the word shield a lot. I wonder………….as a parting gift to our mothers did they hand out actual metal shields like the knights of the round table had? Did it have a big S on it or was the word SECRET spelled out? I would like to get my hands on one of these shields so I can hang it above my fireplace and use it as my family crest.

A2557 should be amended to include an enhanced mutual consent registry system which would link biological parents and adult adopted persons when the parties have requested and consented to such a reunion. This enhanced mutual consent registry would use a qualified individual or agency to function as an Intermediary

This one is great. I love this bit of advertising. Is it merely coincidence that CC actually has their very own intermediary service? Yep that’s right folks adult adoptees can PAY CC to contact our family members for us! Of course we have to go through counseling first (one of theirs, we can’t pick our own) and pay for that too. I love how it says enhanced mutual consent registry, making it sound all new and improved. So what of the adoptee who doesn’t wish to make contact at this time? What if they simply want their identity back?

ACTION:

Please call, fax or email the office of your local Assemblyman or Assemblywoman in opposition to A-2557. You can use the NJCC statement as a basis for your opposition.

Oh yes, by all means please do. Be sure to mention the fine folks over at the NJCC! I think they get a gold star for every referral.

Most of us know the real reasons the CC doesn’t want records opened but this is what they claim to have as their reasoning. Reading this is like being forced to eat a giant pile of steaming scrapple. Do you know what scrapple is? It consists of the same ingredients as a hot dog but with a handful of hair thrown in for good measure. It’s one of those things that you eat even though you are never entirely sure what it is you are putting into your mouth.

I have to go now. These waders I’m wearing are making me sweat.

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19 Comments

Filed under Adoptee Family, Open Records

19 responses to “Scr*pple Anyone?

  1. Ugh!! This really drives me crazy. It seems like most women who have relinquished would like to eradicate the secrecy. Legally, the contract–when we reach the age of 18–should be null and void. They’ve contracted for an infant–we have absolutely no say. I find this to be a travesty–in the legal sense. And I really believe it’s all about adoptive parents fearing the loss of their kids to their biological families.

    Personally, I think Catholic Charities can take their “Statutory shield of Confidentiality” and shove it right up their collective asses!!

    Incidentally, the above thought stems not only from my violent nature as an adoptee, but because I was raised as a Catholic hating Lutheran. I married a Catholic, but only so I would be able to beat him daily with little guilt.

  2. suz

    As a mom who surrendered her child in the 80s, I was never promised secrecy and I never wanted it. I did sign a waiver of confidentiality and was lead to believe it would allow my daughter to find me. I later learned it was crap (or scrapple) and was merely another coercive tactic aimed at getting my signature first and the child of my womb second.

    Mothers should NEVER be given the secrecy option. I am sorry. Many many disagree with me but its just not humane. Children should know their mothers, their heritage, their roots. You should never be allowed to hide that, it should never be promised to you. JMO.

  3. I agree with you Mia and both Miss Keeks and Suz. I actual find it hard to believe anything the Catholic Church says as they are so secret laden. I always thought the “Good News” was there were never to be secrets and isn’t it all about “Restoration”. Letting an adoptee or a mother/father reconnect with their children is “restoration”. And I don’t believe any intermediary is needed unless they (the adoptee/parent) want one and if so, it should be of their own choosing. I think for this Catholic organization to recommend this is a conflict of interest especially since they stand to gain from it.

    I have a novel idea: Why not ask adoptees and their parents what they want? Too easy!!!

  4. Just one more reason for me to lapse even farther from Catholicism, the religion of pedophiles, misogynists (sp?), conquerors and empire builders and now..co-conspirators in systematic identify theft. Good analysis, Mia.

  5. And I bet he likes it doesn’t he Miss Keeks?

    Suz it’s too bad they didn’t ask you and all of the others they are trying to “protect” before taking a stand. After all their ONLY objective is to “shield” you right?
    Hmmm.. do you suppose they actually did ask the ones they are really trying to protect and the response was overwhelmingly in favor of sealed records?
    Now who might they really be trying to protect??? …..tapping forehead……… think-think-think…..

    LeRoy they don’t ask us because it’s not about us. ;o)

    Amen Sister Nina.

  6. Unfortunately you are right Mia. From their perspective they (the organization and the adoptive parents hold all the money (opps meant cards), so they have all the say. I have talked to several adoptive social workers over the past month and at least got them to think about the mothers and adoptees’ perspective/feelings. Its a small start….*sigh*

  7. make that “adoption” social workers….I wouldn’t want any confusion that they were adoptees!

  8. suz

    suzherm at ehbabes dot com, mia

  9. It’s so very very wrong…….wrong…….wrong.
    It worries me when so much of the ‘great adoption’ crap sprouts so often from those that claim to be so in touch with God. And for them to say it’s all about protecting the b mother – when they haven’t even asked more than maybe 2.
    It’s just so very very wrong.

  10. Catholic Charities doesn’t NEED to ask any first moms nor adoptees what they think. They know what’s best for everyone. Now you all sit down and be quiet lest you get the ruler across your palms for your callous thought betrayal against the Holy Organization.

    Very nice analysis of this pile of garbage. Scrapple indeed.

  11. On the farm Theresa, we called it a manure pile!

  12. Amy

    Earlier this week I was contacted by a 14 year old who was writing a thesis about this subject. Its a shame I didn’t know about this post at the time. She and I talked quite a bit about the pros and cons. We weren’t able to come up with very many good reasons why it would be a good thing, or why a mother may chose to do so. The few we came up with were special circumstances, not the general rule by a long shot.
    The conclusion was: There are cases where a woman is married to someone other than the father, (I know a case like this) and rape. We also agreed that if a woman wants to keep her identity secret, there is a very good chance she will change her mind in the future.
    Decision: It makes much more sense to allow a woman that choice but not as a requirement.
    It is insane to me that as we learn from the latest generation of adoptees and natural mothers that something like this would even be considered.

  13. Mia

    The thing is if a woman uses an affair as an excuse for confidentialtiy she forces her child to pay for her choices with their identity. For the rest of their lives.

    As for cases of rape, if a woman is so traumatized by the event that she would wish to hide then she needs psychological assistance, therapy of some sort. That’s not a bad thing, I’m just saying that hiding my identity from me isn’t helping her at all. Again, it’s asking me to pay for the rapists act. It’s putting me in jail for his crime.

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