I asked my sister if E had received her Christmas Card because I never heard anything. In the course of the conversation she said she couldn’t possibly understand how I feel.
So I told her:
I feel rejected…..by my own mother.
This is her reply:
But, you have to see it from her view….she doesn’t feel like your “mother”. She still doesn’t feel that connection.
I can’t wrap my brain around this. How can my mother not feel like my mother? OK, so there was no instant connection but I have given birth and no matter how hard I try I can’t even begin to fathom this!!!
Besides making me incredibly sad it makes me furious. But not at E, I’m mad at myself for being stuck in this empty hole and not being inventive enough to find a way to climb OUT!
I honestly don’t know how much more heartbreak I’m going to put myself through before I find a way to let this go.