This painting started out as a purple hazy liquid. The girl just emerged from the liquid on her own. None of this was planned and she evolved like a phoenix rising out of the ashes. I see the strongest symbols to be strength and power.
I perceive this painting as survival and rebirth. Emerging from the murky waters and discovering who I am. My cloak is tattered after years of silence, as truth prevails. My spirit remains intact. I have sprouted wings. They are young wings because I have just learned that I can fly. My eyes are Christmas green representing joy, hope and faith. Crimson lips that are alluring and inviting because they want to speak but they are sealed because I still feel in many ways I have no voice. The light of the moon casts a golden haze around my body, an “aura” of protection. A moonstone hangs around my neck.
I think it’s interesting to note that I learned after I created this the meaning behind some of the symbols in the painting.
Gold is a color that reflects dynamic spiritual energy and a true coming into one’s own power. It reflects the higher energies of devotion and a restoration of harmony. It indicates strong enthusiasm and great inspiration. It indicates a time of revitalizing.
Muddier shades of gold can indicate the person is still in the process of awakening higher inspiration and has not clarified it yet within his/her life. It reflects the alchemical process still being active, i.e., the person is till working to turn the lead of his/her life into gold.
It has been worn as an amulet to bring good emotions to the wearer, while protecting those of a sensitive nature. It can reunite lovers who have quarreled. Moonstone is also considered a good luck stone.
Moonstone is a very personal stone. It is a reflection of the person who owns it. It does not add or detract, only shows how it is. This is why the moonstone is said to perceive that which “is”.
Moonstone is a stone of inner growth and strength.
The sadness in this sculpture was a shock to discover. I can clearly see that she represents the saddest point of my reunion. The three or so months after I was told my first mother wanted no contact and that I was the product of rape. I was questioning my entire existence, my identity and my reason for being. You are told that your conception has nothing to do with who you are but the message “stay away from me” that is sent by denying contact contradicts that. You can grasp something logically and still be deeply affected emotionally. The heart and the mind don’t always work in tandem. It was a confusing and desperate time. I felt alone, naked and extremely vulnerable. Finding out about my conception from an intermediary (a stranger) and later from E that the rape thing isn’t exactly truthful is probably the one thing I could see myself never fully forgiving my first mother for. I think that sadness is in this sculpture too.
It is amazing for me to see how far I have come when I look at the sculpture and then look at the painting. I am coming up on my one year blog anniversary. Going back and reading my posts from last January also shows me how much healing has taken place. I feel like our blogs are expressions of healing through art as well. Honestly I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have these ways to express myself. I was silent for so long. Now I can’t imagine having to keep all of this toxic stuff inside. The idea is ludicrous, I will never do that to myself again.
Thank you all so much for being a part of my journey!