The new year is upon us and once again we look to New Year’s resolutions as a way to begin anew. It’s the opportunity to be absolved of our worldly sins, forgiving ourselves our transgressions and wiping the slate clean like a great big life do-over. New Year’s Day…………the screw up sanctuary. I think that’s how most people see resolutions, I also think that is why so many people fail to keep them, it’s just too much pressure!
I turn 40 in 2007. The big four ohhhhhhh. FORTY. Four tee. I have been saying “I’m almost 40” since I turned 35, like it was some pinnacle of my life, turning a gigantic life corner, concentration on the foot IN the grave instead of the foot that’s out whooping it up and partying. Yea right partying. HAH! If that were an indication of living then both of my feet were six feet under a lonnnnngggg time ago. I’m just saying…….
Last week I had an epiphany. I just love that word don’t you? EPIPHANY….sounds like a really fun sneeze. Anyway I had this epiphany about turning 40. I have lived a lifetime in forty years and as my mother says “with the help of God” I have a good 40 in front of me, which if you think about it really translates into a another entire lifetime!
Imagine if you could live your life over again knowing what you know now. How many mistakes would you avoid? How many circumstances would you change? Who would you keep company with? What would you accomplish? How would you live your life differently? But I am really not talking about a do over I am talking about starting fresh. I don’t mean restarting and trying to get it right this time, that’s way too much pressure. I am talking about a whole NEW lifetime to live any way I choose. It requires being gentle with how I view the life previously lived of course. I also think it requires learning to be somewhat neutral about those who hurt me, as though I were reading a sad story about someone elses life. I have no attachment to those people but I can still be touched by the story. It just can’t have any direct bearing on my new life.
I came up with some amazing and exciting ideas about how I want my new life to look. I am not changing, reinventing, fixing or forgiving the past. I am not looking to do things differently, I am looking to do things for the first time. It’s zero calorie resolution without all of the fat of the past dragging me down. I don’t HAVE to look at my failures and hope I do “better”, I don’t have to forgive all of the people who hurt me, I don’t have to fix all of the broken parts of my life that need fixing. I just look at my past life and say “well that was one hell of a ride!”.
I don’t want to be in competition with the past so basically I am looking for a fresh perspective. It’s invention, not reinvention. These are affirmations, not goals. They are not “I will try to do this better or that better” but instead they are simply I AM. It may seem corny to some but I need a new perspective because the healing and getting over it and wishful thinking approach didn’t work and I refuse to live my life with sadness and regret any longer.
So without further ado…..here is the new me born in 2007. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME !!!!!!!!!
I live in the moment.
Every moment I make the choice to be a healthy person. I am gentle with myself when my choices aren’t great because each minute I have the ability to choose differently.
I will limit my exposure to those who treat me poorly and truly grasp the concept that only I have the power to make myself a victim.
I am an artist. I take this seriously because I understand that if I don’t nobody else will either.
Art is subjective and so are associations. Not everyone is going to like my art and not everyone is going to like me. Other’s opinions of me/my art have no bearing on my happiness nor do they extinguish my ability to love myself and my talents.
I love that I am learning Italian.
I adore and appreciate my husband and my kids and rarely take that for granted. When I appreciate who they are this moment I hold no love back for the parts of them I wish they would change. I know that it is within my perspective where change occurs. In this way I love them completely, as they are.
I am my own mother. I love and appreciate the mother figures in my life for all that they are able to offer and give compassion to them for all that they are not. Being mothered in the way that I need is something I provide for myself. *Thank you Kim for helping me with this one*
I love and acknowledge my natural father and know that on some level his identity is known to me. I love and appreciate my father figure and offer my compassion for the man he was and the man he could have become. Then I love him as he is.
I appreciate my best effort and never forget to acknowledge the limitations of today. It’s the journey, not the destination.
I am blessed and gently remind myself of all that I do have when I begin to think about all that I lack.
Each moment brings the opportunity to achieve, to grow, to learn, to love……to live.
Happy New Year EVERYONE!