A Mother and Her Twins……..

Check THIS out. I have a lot to say about this story but words are failing me right now. Thoughts are swimming around in my head faster than I can process them. It is worth discussing though because this kind of thing can’t continue to happen. Adoption laws have GOT to change!

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20 Comments

Filed under Adoption Politics

20 responses to “A Mother and Her Twins……..

  1. Wow, I hadn’t heard about this story yet. You’re right, Mia, it is very much worth discussing. Many years ago, I think my tendency would have been to look at this more from the adoptive parents point of view. But now, I’m absolutely enraged to think that this woman was denied the right to parent her own children. Reading that the adoptive parents “refused” to give her children back to her is the real crime commited here. Just my .02. Thanks for bringing this story to our attention.

  2. Mia

    I agree with you 100% Paula. It is my understanding that private adoption does not hold to the same standard of giving a mother the right to change her mind. Not even 12 hours after the birth of her children is she allowed to question her decision. She is powerless if she realizes she has made a mistake. Absolutely powerless.
    Having a woman change her mind about raising her baby is a risk you take when you decide to adopt a newborn. I think if you cannot handle the consequences of a mother changing her mind you should not take that path. Not that I wouldn’t feel for the potential adoptive parents if their dreams are shattered in the 11th hour but it is a choice to have your dreams lie in the womb of another woman and that fact cannot be ignored.

  3. How awful. If what her sister is saying (and what must be under review in court) is true, that they wouldn’t have been returned to her sooner is a travesty. But won’t this affect the outcome of her suit? (It certainly would in a divorce custody case).

    I recently wrote about what I called the “burning building test,” that I couldn’t raise a child whose parents could have parented her. I truly don’t understand how something like this could happen.

  4. Mia

    It most certainly will affect the outcome and I don’t think it will be in her favor. She will more than likely lose any chance of gaining custody she may have had because she fled.

  5. Unfortunately, Mia, I agree with your predicted outcome. I have fears that this story will be spun into “Mentally ill mother snaps and abducts kids”. I just watched a CBS video on the story and the reporter kept saying “the woman gave up her children” and there already was speculation on the mother’s mental state. Ugh.

    My husband and I spoke briefly about this story after you posted it. We talked about our trip to Korea to receive our son, and how we would have handled it, if upon our arrival, we found out that his mother had decided to parent him herself. Without hesitation my husband said, “It wouldn’t have mattered how we felt. The important thing is that he would be able to stay with his mother.”

    I was (shamefully) unaware of the policies within private adoption. What can be done to protect the mother’s rights?!

  6. LeRoy Dissing

    This mother really “screwed” up any chance of ever seeing these kids again once she is found. I am sure she will do jail time and never be allowed visitation again. If she is ever allowed visitation, it would be strictly supervised but my guess is she won’t see them now until they are adults. Sad, but true. I don’t know what the laws are like where the termination of parental rights were done. In most states, there is the right to appeal a TPR usually within 30 days of the hearing. A very sad story…and one where everyone loses something or someone.

  7. LeRoy Dissing

    Of course the wider implication is how far this could set back “open” adoptions that allow visititation unless this is viewed as an isolated case. I don’t believe society will look favorably upon a desperate mother who willfully violated the law in an attempt to change TPR or adoption laws – just my opinion.

  8. The whole thing just STINKS. I simply cannot understand how the adoptive parents could decide not to give the babies back to their mother when she changed her mind only 12 hours later!

    She must have been going through hell.

  9. amyadoptee

    To me, she was pushed to extremes on this one. She should not have been pushed to it. Its the state government and the attorneys in this case that are at fault. I can’t believe all the coercion that she had to go through. They say it doesn’t happen. Oh yea it does. Someone should have offered her support but instead they take her children away from her. These cases set me on fire. This type of entitlement that some ppl have with others’ children never ceases to amaze me.

  10. Imagine what those kids are going to feel like 10-15-20 years down the road when they find out that their mom wanted to keep them…..

    Sad, sad story.

  11. Polly

    I am confused about the story and believe some of the birth mother’s account may not be accurate. I adopted my son from Florida seven years ago. The courts were very strict. I had to stay in Florida for about 2 weeks after the birth until all the legal paperwork was done. The birth mother had 3 days after the birth to change her mind, and I was aware that my son could leave me at any time within those 3 days. If Allison Quets changed her mind 12 hours after signing the agreement, then she should have had possession of those children by hour 13, and should have gotten a different lawyer to enforce it if her own lawyer was not acting on her change-of-mind. I wonder if she really tried all that hard, or went back and forth. I understand the courts found that she did not make her decision under duress, which indicates to me that she waited too long to pursue the “I changed my mind” option. Sad for all involved.

  12. Mia

    Hi Polly,
    It is my understanding that private adoptions in Florida are under no such regulations regarding giving a mother time to change her mind. One set of rules can apply to agency adoptions but can be different for private adoptions.

    I do know for a fact that Florida’s adoption laws/practices are very much in favor of the adoptive parent and show very little regard for both natural parents and adult adoptees. There has to be consistancy and respect for all involved particularly the adoptee. I have nothing good to say about the state of Florida regarding adoption.

  13. Polly

    Hmmm… check this site from the Florida Department of Children and Families. Adoption agencies just don’t make up their own laws and regulations. They come from the state government, which differs from state to state:
    http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/publications/eforms/fsp5009.pdf

    It states the birth mother has 3 days to change her mind, called the revocation period. This is one of the forms Ms. Quets would have had to sign when she changed her mind, and which courts are legally obliged to uphold.

    It will be up to the courts to decide if Ms. Quets followed the procedures to withdraw consent. If she did, there should be a paper trail and then the Needhams and the courts are wrong. If she did not, then she will lose custody and parental rights.

  14. Mia

    That’s what I am saying. It is my understanding that the agencies must follow the laws and regulations of the state, but PRIVATE adoptions are held to a different standard and, I believe, are not obligated to follow these same laws.

    I was under the impression that Ms. Quets adoption was private. Perhaps I am mistaken?

  15. amyadoptee

    From what I understand of Florida law, once a woman places with an adoptive family with a private attorney (key word – private adoption attorney) there is no revocation of that. Adoption attorneys have a whole different leeway than agencies. Rashad Head has fought against his son’s adoption. He has yet to get custody. He has been fighting from day one. He filed on both the Georgia and Florida Putative Registries. He also file paternity in Georgia. He has yet to hear the results of the DNA and the court’s decision. This is all been over the last six months. He dealt with an adoption agency out of Florida. In fact the attorney for the adoption on his case is associated with Allison Quets attorney.Anyway the adoption atttorney in Allison’s case is one of those that believes in compliance. That is on his website. I believe his name is Michael Shorstein. The attorney also clerked for this judge. The boyfriend in this case is related to the Needhams. He didn’t want those children to interfere with her ability to care for his daughter and grandchild. He was the one that set this up and applied pressure on her. An uncle of Michael Shortstein is also the District Attorney in the same county. Allison Quets was getting it from all sides. How can an attorney sit there with a physically ill woman in his office and make her stay for hours? This case stinks all the way around. It has adoption corruption written all over it.

  16. Polly

    Okay, that last post caught my attention. Michael Shorstein was the one who processed our adoption of our son. We went through an agency though; the agency uses his services. Very interesting…

    My apologies, I thought private adoptions had the same requirements as agency-facilitated ones.

  17. Mia

    No apology necessary Polly. I’m glad you came back to read the replies. Adoption has so many hot button issues. I appreciate your comments and your willingness to listen. That sort of attitude is our only hope to see necessary change implimented regarding adoption practices.

  18. Polly

    Mia, let me emphasize that adoption, even when done with integrity, is filled with sadness. My joy was tempered by the utter sorrow felt by the birth parents, in particular my daughter’s, even though they continued with the process and support their decisions to this day. In a perfect world, no woman would feel the need to give up their child. Unfortunately there IS poverty and abuse and social pressure and lack of resources, and will be until the end of time. I don’t feel guilty for adopting a child when the parentS could not care for it, although I am sad that such conditions exist. I helped 2 people in need, the birth mother and the child, and now I have responsibility to honor that commitment to both of them.

  19. Mia

    Yes you do have that responsibility and if conditions existed that made it necessary for your daughter to need a loving home then you have no reason to feel guilty for anything either. Quite the contrary actually. Except maybe for using the word “it” in reference to a child, that always bugs me.

    I am not anti-adoption. I am however pro adoption reform and in a big way. Serious changes need to take place and we only complicate matters when we take sides without weighing all of the facts first. We have to remove any pre conceived notions, regardless of how passionate we are on the subject if we are to remain objective.

  20. amyadoptee

    Glad to hear it as well Polly. If you really want to help, write your state legislator and let them know that situations such as these do need to change. I know of three other cases where the adoption agencies completely violated the rights of parents. Unfortunately they are not making the headlines as much as Allison Quets. Just google, Rashad Head, Shawn McDonald, and Stephanie Bennett. All three have had their rights violated. Its up to us to educate. We in the triad should be the ones making the laws not the adoption attorneys or the adoption agencies.

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