Black Friday

What is it with my mood this morning? Perhaps I have taken the whole Black Friday thing too literally. YES I know what Black Friday means but the term seems appropriate today so I am going to use it.

Maybe it’s the yin and yang of Thanksgiving. Yesterday was spent being super grateful for all of my blessings so then must today be spent in the opposite manner? How silly of me not to be able to hang on longer to that overwhelming feeling of gratitude.
I sat around the Thanksgiving table yesterday with my mom and dad, my brother, husband and kids, just loving being home and surrounded by people who love me. We wished a joyful day to people that we know and people that we don’t.

img_1825-2.jpg While I was in NYC I took a picture of a homeless man contemplating his sandwich like it was made of gold. We thought of him and hoped he had a warm meal to eat.

We thought of our soldiers overseas and hoped they were not too homesick and that they would come home soon.

I personally always think of all of the children in orphanages with no family to call their own. I think about the children who age out of the system, shoved into the world alone, hoping upon hope that they can some day feel that sense of family we take for granted. Everyone deserves a loving family.

These are the important things in life aren’t they? The love of a family, basic needs being met such as food, clothing, a roof over your head, that’s what’s important.

So on this Black Friday I feel shallow for giving any energy what so ever to this:

Today I am sitting here wondering if my other family gave me even a moment’s thought. Did they pray for me? Did they wonder if I was happy? I put myself in their shoes and tried to picture how yesterday would have gone if there was someone missing from our table. If every single person at that table knew a daughter/sibling was missing – could we have sat there and had our dinner pretending nobody was missing? NO  WAY.

OK so here’s something to be thankful for today………the fact that I was raised in a family that would NEVER be like that.
I feel shallow for thinking about this. I guess shallowness may be genetic because I certainly don’t get that from my adoptive family. We would never do such a thing!

Or would we? I silently prayed my mother, my father and all of my siblings were having a wonderful day. I could have said that out loud……………..

but I didn’t.

I wonder how many people touched by adoption gave thanks for family not present.

How many did that out loud? How many did so silently? I wonder how many didn’t think to do it at all.



Filed under Adoptee Family, Natural Family

19 responses to “Black Friday

  1. Mia you most definitely are not, repeat NOT, shallow for wondering if your other family was thinking of you.

    I also wondered if my mother and father were thinking of me at all. We’ve had no contact for nearly five months.

  2. Dan

    Wonderfully written.

  3. suz

    i did it silently and out loud. at grace, i bowed my head and thought of my daughter, wished her positive energy, thanked her for this past year.

    earlier in the morning, i sent her an ecard wishing her happy thanksgiving.

    later in the day when drama with my family ensued and my mother belted out “dont you understand! I just want ALL my children to be together”

    I responded, through a veil of tears, “Yeah, Mom, I to totally understanding wanting your children. I really do”. The tone of my cries shocked her into realizing what she had but I didnt.


  4. Oh Mia, not shallow at all. In usual circumstances I do think there probably is a post-thankfulness letdown, something I might not have recognized if you hadn’t articulated it.
    In this case it makes perfect sense . I hope they did pray for your happiness and mark (even if silently) your absence. I hope they break that silence.

  5. joy

    Good post Mia, and I love my new place where I can leave comments, it is huge and luxurious.

    I don’t know about other people, I don’t know how they cannot care it is so against my nature, but apparently not all people are caring, or maybe they are ruled by fear?

    I hear ya though, boy do I hear ya.

  6. Mia…I think what you describe is exactly the opposite of shallow. You show great depth in thinking/praying for your family….in the words of Stephen Covey, you are loyal to the absent and expect nothing in return. Acknowledging them gives evidence of their importance.

  7. Except LeRoy I DO expect something in return: acknowledgement.
    Shallow -maybe, honest- always.

    Thanks Joy and Dan!

    Me too Abebech.

    Suz- That was insensitive of your mom and I can only imagine how much it hurt. (((Suz)))
    I don’t know about you but when I am in the company of my mom I brace myself for the moment she will say something that cuts like a knife every single time. I think she studied this in school because she is really good at it. We had a nice Thanksgiving but there were plenty of moments like this. I must be getting better at detatchment. lol Like that’s a good thing.

  8. I thought of my little son’s first families and wondered if they spoke of them, or thought about them in loneliness. I also prayed for all mothers/fathers/children missing each other.

  9. (((Cloudscome))) I hope your family’s Thanksgiving was wonderful!

  10. I spend Thanksgiving with my daughter, but I always think of her on the holidays that we are apart. It does feel like someone is missing.

    You are not shallow for wanting them to be thinking of you. They should be thinking of you.


    I can feel your anger coming through this post. It makes me sad that your family of origin have been such a source of pain for you. It’s totally appropriate to feel angry after having a cosy day with your family and then making comparisons.

    We don’t have Thanksgiving so I don’t have a point of reference. I don’t have contact with family or a feeling of being safe within my family so don’t have a point of reference there either.

    I do understand family being a source of pain, I do understand feeling hurt and it coming out as anger. I can relate to that.

    It’s good that you share it with the us here so that other people can read this and be validated or eductated. It’s good to hear your voice.

  12. Mia thanks for the hugs. Much appreciated. And here’s some back atcha {{{{Mia}}}}

  13. Mai….I will take honesty over shallowness anyday 🙂

  14. I am sad that your first family chooses not to know such a caring, intelligent person. They are missing out on so many blessings. ((Hugs))

  15. Thank you for your post. No shallowness in your writing. We are thankful for those who do choose to write so others may read and learn.

    We always pray and ask for grace for family members not present (past, present and future).
    It will be a blessing to have our new daughter and tell her as much as possible about her two families. No need to hide it, it is reality and whether you know it or not, two families to love and to love you back is a blessing. We hope to learn as much as we can and honor our future adopted daughter’s families.

  16. MaeDay

    The silence speaks volumes, does it not? Many, many a holiday, birthday went by with no mention of my firstborn from extended family members. No mention from me either (outloud) too emotionally risky to bring up , *adoption*. I don’t know if other family members ever thought of my son…not sure I want to know the answer either.

    I used to wonder how people could forget, never mention again , relationships they had with long ago lovers, friends, family members, etc. I guess some people can just push it all away into insignificance but I can’t. Sometimes I dwell too much on the who is missing and why. It’s hurts to feel forgotten, dismissed, cast aside.

    In my quiet moments, private moments, I try to think/pray, light a candle, for all who I used to know and wish them the best of what is yet to be.

  17. Everyone has been so kind. I can’t tell you all how much it means to me to have somewhere I can go and feel completely understood. Validated was a good word Kim.

    I am angry and hurt but I don’t want that anger to consume me. Having all of you to help me work through things is a huge blessing.

    Thank you all!!!

  18. Your feelings are validated, acknowledged and you have every right to them Mia. I am glad you feel comfortable enough to express them as so many do on these blogs and get some honest, empathic feedback. Bet you can almost “feel the love” from all the comments. A hug for Mia is icing on the cake, so ((((((Mia))))))) enjoy 🙂

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