My brother in-law is staying with us for a month to help my husband with work. It’s good having him here. We haven’t seen him in over ten years so there is a lot of catching up to do.
He and J (my husband) and I sit on the deck at night and talk. I listen to the stories they tell and think there is this whole side of my husband that I don’t even know. It’s strange. One subject that comes up often is how much they look alike. They compare features and discuss who they got this feature from and who they got that one from etc… Normal sibling talk. That is unless you are adopted.
“I got my eyes from mom”
“You got your height from dad”
“We have the same nose”
“I got mom’s teeth”
I am so happy that they get this opportunity to spend time together. It makes me feel bad though that there is a part of me that is really quite jealous! I don’t think anyone who is not adopted could truly appreciate the feelings that come up when this sort of conversation takes place in front of us.
I am luckier than most. I have seen photographs of family members from my mother’s side so I can see the resemblence in various physical characteristics, but I don’t necessarily feel lucky. There is an entire side to my identity which eludes me and probably always will. I wonder what parts of my father’s family characteristics I share and I wonder why it matters to me. I wonder why people who have this information and talk about it so matter-of-fact like can’t seem to grasp how bad it would suck not to know. How having this connection makes one feel tethered to the Earth. Without it one floats with their feet always reaching for solid ground.
I guess it’s true what they say; you don’t always appreciate something until it’s gone. That’s a shame. I think if the non-adopted people of this world could put themselves in our shoes for just five minutes there would be no such thing as the fight for open records. The fact that the majority of those who would keep our identities from us KNOW who that person is staring back at them from the mirror.
Imagine how simple the open records thing would be if we could take all of the people who keep them from us and wave a magic wand over their heads, eliminating their identity. No longer would they know their history, no longer would they recognize themselves. They would not know their nationality, their mother, their father, their grandparents. They would get out of bed, slowly walk to the bathroom, rub the sleep out of their eyes and peer into the mirror. A stranger would be all that they would see. Who ARE YOU?! They would think. Where did you COME FROM?!? I don’t recognize a single thing about this person staring back at me!
No connection at all. Terrifying isn’t it?
Yep, it’s a crying shame alright. Give me five minutes and a magic wand and we would have our records in our hands that very day. Anyone have a spare wand they could loan me?