Asshat Buffet

In honor of Atilla the Mom I write about my own Asshat of the Week.

We live in buffet country. As a matter of fact it is a buffet smorgasbord around here. If the restaurant isn’t serving mounds of food on a series of hot plates they aren’t making it in this neck of the woods.

We took our kids to the Chinese Buffet for dinner the other night. The buffet experience has been rather tainted for me ever since reading this blog post by the great Atilla. I have always been conscientious of how much food I take and have instilled this in my children but now I am obsessive about it to the point where I will eat what they won’t so the plate is clean even though they chose stupid things like chicken nuggets and french fries mixed with red jello.

So we are sitting there displaying our most exemplory buffet ettiquite when in walks a man with his three kids. The hostess seats them next to us and asks the ages of the children.

“Eleven (just under the mark for the adult price), six and two” he says.

“TWO?” she questions!?!

The hostess in very broken english tries to say that she is not a stupid girl and that there is no way in the world this kid is two. An arguement breaks out and since the poor girl was not getting her point across effectively she brought in the troops. The manager, the cook, the busgirl all standing around this table arguing with this guy about the age of his daughter.

He said “she’s my daughter I know how freaking old she is!”

Stupid stupid daddy, her SHOE size is two!!!

Note to self; Experience first hand the sight of a mutant two year old giant. CHECK.

He told the kids to go get their food while he settled matters with the troops. The “two year old” got up and said “OK Dad, I’m gonna get crab legs!” and marched her monsterous self to the buffet where she proceeded to help herself even though the sign clearly states “No children unattended”. But then this is no ORDINARY child is it?

The father in question stood about 5 feet tall. The giant gene must skip a generation. I don’t know how good your imagination is but if you can picture this five foot tall father verbally duking it out with a group of VERY distraught women speaking fast and furious, switching from Chinese to English and back again. It was very entertaining! I felt like we were at the dinner theatre!

My daughter is two. Truth be told she is little for her age but she still uses a booster seat and the only two words she can put together are I and do….as in I DO!!! She is an independant little bugger but you aren’t going to see her dishing out her own Lo Mein. She knows her limitations.

The troops finally gave up and let it go. Can you imagine? This guy was willing to make himself look like a complete ASSHAT and for what? A couple of bucks?

I looked over at my kids who were sitting there so awestruck that they didn’t even notice they had eaten every scrap of food on their plates during the show. I guess we are the poster family for good buffet ettiquite. No asshats here!



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6 responses to “Asshat Buffet

  1. Bahahahaha!! I can’t stop laughing.

    He should get the extra-special Richard Cranium award as well. 😉

  2. That makes me laugh and cry at the same time. So sad that he is teaching his children that dishonesty is a way of life.

  3. suz

    Okay, well, not that I intend to defend the asshats you ran into, cuz I trust your judgement but I wanted to note that it IS entirely possible to have a large child that doesnt look their age.

    My son was 12 pounds at birth. He did not fit in the cribs in the nursery nor did they have clothes that fit him. A nurse brought him a blanket sleeper.

    He is now 8 and looks almost 11 or 12. Since the day he was born I was harassed about his age (or better yet, asked why my 6 month old was not yet walking or talking).


  4. Mia

    I certainly understand but I suspect in this case it was not a case of physical growth because she was talking a blue streak.
    I don’t know maybe she was a genius too and I completely misjudged the situation. You just never know do you?
    TWELVE POUNDS?!?!?! Oh my dear Suz….that must have been one heck of a third trimester!

    DO2 it is sad that he would teach such a thing.

    Atilla glad I could return the bahahaha’s!!!!!!!!!

  5. Joy

    That was too funny Mia, I needed a laugh.

    We actually got “caught” doing that once, Tomtom was 25 months old, and we wanted him to fly free,(24 mos was cut off) they asked Cara how old he was ( he has always been ginormous)
    and she got her years mixed up and said 11 months. The flight attendant looked quizzical, but let us go, but that was the last time we tried that.

  6. LOL.

    To be fair, Munchkin is the size of a four year old. She speaks well and some of her mannerisms are far advanced. People give J&D a hard time about her being two. But she is.

    BUT, she can’t dish lo mein. At all. LOL.

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