Can you stand it? I am actually sitting here bawling over this stupid FLOWER thing! How entirely silly. I have GOT to find a way to get past this crap. I can’t believe I have allowed the ignorance and selfishness of my natural mother to wound me so deeply. She is always there, now just a whisper of rejection but still painting a dull film on every single moment of my day.
Honestly? I don’t get it. I am a grown woman who for some reason far beyond my understanding seems to feel incomplete without the love and acceptance of my mothers. Both of them, either of them.
Yesterday I was trying to tell my Mom about the jaw surgery I need to have for TMJ. Maybe it’s not open heart surgery bad but it’s a big deal to me at this time both physically and financially. I was looking for a little support so when my Mom asked me how it went at the Doctor I foolishly thought she may actually want to hear! I started to tell her and she said “Oh……well……that’s too bad so did you hear about Aunt soandso?” No skipped beat there, just skimmed right over it. “She is in the hospital for suchandsuch!” Like her story was juicier than mine. I was so hurt I told her I had to go right in the middle of the sorted details of Aunt soandso. Not that I don’t care about Aunt soandso I just needed my MOTHER right then!!!!!!!
This is the problem. I feel like I am without the support of a mother and I have TWO of them. Two mothers, both who seem to have absolutely no interest in me what so ever. How am I doing? What is new with me? How do I feel about it? What I have to say is important………..Is that too freaking much to ask? For one of these two women to give a crap? I guess so.
I can tell you it would be easier just to have one mother who could care less. Then I could just say to myself that I had been dealt a bad hand or something. That it was just a character flaw in HER, not me. But TWO mothers? How the hell am I supposed to not take THAT personally?!?
|You Are a Purple Flower|
A purple flower tends to represent success, grace, and elegance.
At times, you are faithful like a violet.
And other times, you represent luxury, like a wisteria.
And more than you wish, you find yourself heartbroken like a lilac.
My husband brought me Lilacs for May Day. He knows how desperate I have been to bury my face in the intoxicating scent of lilacs ever since they have come into bloom this Spring. He is a thoughtful man. I wonder about the coincidence.