Longer comment to Kim

It’s OK, really. I don’t mind owning the word doofus. Thank you for telling me you think I am not though.

I like your word Kim, it’s appropriate and a little fun to say. No single word can ever truly describe your entire essence anyway right? So a little part of me is a doofus, I’m cool with that.

I lived in the doofus bubble for years, thinking some fantasy was going to take place. There would be running through the airport, balloons and flowers in the arms of everyone, tears pouring from our eyes. Baby girl? Is that you? Oh My God, you’re beautiful.
How was I to know she was only an hour away and was allergic to life?

Still, sort of doofusy huh?

It seems I lived in this bubble for years, thinking there must be some completely obvious reason the balloons popped and the flowers died. The intimate stranger has a damn good reason for keeping her distance. Must be the fear or maybe the pain? Yea, that must be it. It never occured to me that some people in this world just aren’t very nice and she could be one of them!

It seems I lived in the doofus bubble for years thinking “somebody” would wake up and like E.T. make those flowers come alive! So I am learning to plant my own. I happen to LOVE flowers!

You take people at their word, you are a good person, you trust them when they say “THEY WILL CARE!” There’s nothing wrong with being a little bit of a doofus honey. It just means you’re real. I would rather have a small amount of doofus running through my veins and FEEL than ice water and not feel anything.

We shouldn’t beat ourselves up for trusting the best in humanity. I’m not saying that it doesn’t feel good to finally see the light and allow ourselves to be upset about the way we were treated, but I’m pretty OK with the fact that I thought certain people just might have done the right thing.

You and I, we may have a little doofus in us but as far as I can tell that’s what makes us beautiful.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Longer comment to Kim

  1. Doofus for me means to have a rosy view of adoption and be clueless about the painful aspects of it. So I guess doofus can extend to being naive and still hoping and I am definetly guilty of that.
    I am angry that your mother won’t fulfill your expectations because you are fabulous and she’s missing out and it’s not fair that she is being like this.

  2. Mia

    Oh I know about that breed too. Stupid any way you cut it. I run across people I feel I can speak truth about adoption to, people who will listen and maybe walk away with something. Then there are THOSE doofuses you know not to even waste your breath on.

    I don’t necessarily view my breed of doofus as naive as much as say overly optimistic. ;o)

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