Comments on: The Real Deal http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/ Adoption, Reunion, Open Records, Adoptee, Rejection, Healing, Birthfamily, Adoptive Family, MY Family. Sun, 08 Nov 2009 15:27:40 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: NC’s HB445 and CI programs « Mia’s Saving Grace http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-5740 NC’s HB445 and CI programs « Mia’s Saving Grace Mon, 06 Aug 2007 17:25:09 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-5740 [...] Click HERE to read The Real Deal - on CI programs and contact denial. Published January 2007. [...] [...] Click HERE to read The Real Deal – on CI programs and contact denial. Published January 2007. [...]

]]> By: Janet Shaw http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1208 Janet Shaw Fri, 02 Feb 2007 03:41:23 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1208 You've captured perfectly the trauma we go through when searching for our roots. And one other thing. Not only do we feel guilt about searching and feel second-class because our identity is denied to us, but we also have to take all our courage in our hands to "intrude" into our birth parents' lives. It's as though we don't have the right, that we'll upset them. We tread so carefully, feel so responsible for the other party, then usually get an aggressive response. This can be an initial reaction triggered by many factors. But it is very hard to take. You're right, people need to understand what we go through as adoptees. You’ve captured perfectly the trauma we go through when searching for our roots. And one other thing. Not only do we feel guilt about searching and feel second-class because our identity is denied to us, but we also have to take all our courage in our hands to “intrude” into our birth parents’ lives. It’s as though we don’t have the right, that we’ll upset them. We tread so carefully, feel so responsible for the other party, then usually get an aggressive response. This can be an initial reaction triggered by many factors. But it is very hard to take. You’re right, people need to understand what we go through as adoptees.

]]> By: Chez http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1195 Chez Tue, 30 Jan 2007 22:07:24 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1195 Oh Mia - I'm completely speechless - and crying my eyes out - with a pool of tears on my desk. This post is amazing. I was able to at least able to obtain some info from the local departments (as things are more open here in OZ) and then went searching on my own. I was able to at least contact my own mother by myself.................. BUT - she has more or less closed the door on me herself. She asks for time - so dangles a small glimmer of hope - but I just wait and wait and wait and wait. I'm hurting so much. Thank you for putting into words that which has haunted me throughout this whole process. Hugs, from a very sad C. xx p.s. I'm linking to this Oh Mia – I’m completely speechless – and crying my eyes out – with a pool of tears on my desk.
This post is amazing.
I was able to at least able to obtain some info from the local departments (as things are more open here in OZ) and then went searching on my own.
I was able to at least contact my own mother by myself………………
BUT – she has more or less closed the door on me herself. She asks for time – so dangles a small glimmer of hope – but I just wait and wait and wait and wait.
I’m hurting so much.
Thank you for putting into words that which has haunted me throughout this whole process.
Hugs, from a very sad C. xx
p.s. I’m linking to this

]]> By: Soul of Adoption » The Real Deal http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1183 Soul of Adoption » The Real Deal Mon, 29 Jan 2007 02:01:23 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1183 [...] Mia’s Blog [...] [...] Mia’s Blog [...]

]]> By: miassavinggrace http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1169 miassavinggrace Sat, 27 Jan 2007 22:07:36 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1169 EEEEKKKK! OK, I give! :o) Hey, I need to figure out how to get the SofA thing to show up on my new digs here. Please don't think I'm hopeless but can you guide me in the right direction by email? Did you know Sapph that I can throw a Nerf football farther than anyone I know? Just an interesting and useless Mia fact. EEEEKKKK! OK, I give! :o )

Hey, I need to figure out how to get the SofA thing to show up on my new digs here. Please don’t think I’m hopeless but can you guide me in the right direction by email?

Did you know Sapph that I can throw a Nerf football farther than anyone I know? Just an interesting and useless Mia fact.

]]> By: heartened1 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1168 heartened1 Sat, 27 Jan 2007 21:32:29 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1168 If you do not let me publish this on SofA as an article, I will beat you with a Nerf bat until you cry mercy!!!!!!!! You summed it up SO perfectly, Mia, as always. How do you do that? How do you always crawl inside our heads and hearts like this? Love to you my friend - well done! If you do not let me publish this on SofA as an article, I will beat you with a Nerf bat until you cry mercy!!!!!!!!

You summed it up SO perfectly, Mia, as always. How do you do that? How do you always crawl inside our heads and hearts like this? Love to you my friend – well done!

]]> By: miassavinggrace http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1161 miassavinggrace Sat, 27 Jan 2007 12:07:36 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1161 Thank you all SO much! It looks like I have some links to add! Hopefully I will get to that this weekend. xoxo Thank you all SO much! It looks like I have some links to add! Hopefully I will get to that this weekend.
xoxo

]]> By: Cheryl http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1158 Cheryl Sat, 27 Jan 2007 02:08:26 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1158 Wow Mia. Thank you so much for this - you absolutely nailed it. (And thank you joy for linking it!). I used a search firm mostly because I didn't think I could bear exactly THIS. The lack of control over something so sensitive, so personal, so stressful. And it was still so stressful and emotional that even knowing what was coming I was completely swept away by it. I've read other stories like yours, and thought that while my situation's not great, I wouldn't have been able to bear a slammed door with no real understanding of why, and questions about what if contact had been done differently. Wow Mia. Thank you so much for this – you absolutely nailed it. (And thank you joy for linking it!).

I used a search firm mostly because I didn’t think I could bear exactly THIS. The lack of control over something so sensitive, so personal, so stressful. And it was still so stressful and emotional that even knowing what was coming I was completely swept away by it. I’ve read other stories like yours, and thought that while my situation’s not great, I wouldn’t have been able to bear a slammed door with no real understanding of why, and questions about what if contact had been done differently.

]]> By: Margaret http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1156 Margaret Sat, 27 Jan 2007 00:50:57 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1156 You come through loud and clear. I cannot fathom this level of frustration. It is so unjust to deny people access to their history. I'm glad you made mention of the medical aspect of all of this. I'm sure there are people who have literally died because they did not know certain facts about their medical history or couldn't find an organ or marrow donor in time. I did once meet an adoptee, oddly enough, who did not support open records. She felt that it would potentially be an invasion of her first mom's privacy. She's entitled to her opinion, but even if records could be opened, that wouldn't force her to obtain her own records. I was puzzled by her. You come through loud and clear. I cannot fathom this level of frustration. It is so unjust to deny people access to their history.

I’m glad you made mention of the medical aspect of all of this. I’m sure there are people who have literally died because they did not know certain facts about their medical history or couldn’t find an organ or marrow donor in time.

I did once meet an adoptee, oddly enough, who did not support open records. She felt that it would potentially be an invasion of her first mom’s privacy. She’s entitled to her opinion, but even if records could be opened, that wouldn’t force her to obtain her own records. I was puzzled by her.

]]> By: dory http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1155 dory Fri, 26 Jan 2007 23:19:20 +0000 http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/01/25/the-real-deal/#comment-1155 Yes, I was a passive searcher for years. Almost went the intermediary route - except you should see the questionnaire they wanted me to fill out to read to my mother - WAAAAAY to personal. Years later I finally got the nerve to go through with it. Thankfully it was a short search since I was born in a state that opened up records. But for three months straight (yes, only three months - I'm very lucky) I pretty much gave up everything in my life and searched - I ignored work, family, friends. Hubby threatened to throw the computer out the window. But in the end it was all worth it when I called my Aunt and heard words that made me cry: "I've been waiting for this day." It's such a shame that there are so many other people; mothers, fathers, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, nieces, nephews, all waiting for that day - that day that might never come because our government holds our identities hostage. Yes, I was a passive searcher for years. Almost went the intermediary route – except you should see the questionnaire they wanted me to fill out to read to my mother – WAAAAAY to personal. Years later I finally got the nerve to go through with it. Thankfully it was a short search since I was born in a state that opened up records. But for three months straight (yes, only three months – I’m very lucky) I pretty much gave up everything in my life and searched – I ignored work, family, friends. Hubby threatened to throw the computer out the window. But in the end it was all worth it when I called my Aunt and heard words that made me cry: “I’ve been waiting for this day.”

It’s such a shame that there are so many other people; mothers, fathers, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, nieces, nephews, all waiting for that day – that day that might never come because our government holds our identities hostage.

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